Previously on “Pretty Little Liars” — it’s a momapalooza. Ella’s jetsetting off to Vienna with her pastry prince, Pam is being investigated by Child Protective Services, Ashley killed Officer Wilden (except she totally didn’t) and Spencer’s mom was nowhere to be seen because the Hastings are the worst parents ever. See, we can’t even remember her name.
Spencer and Aria play Harriet the Spies on Melissa, planting the mask of her
face in her suitcase. Melissa runs to Hector’s cabin and throws a bunch
of er face castings into the lake, while Aria discovers a “Return to Oz”-y row
of Alison castings.
Spencer confronts Melissa, who confirms she
was on the Halloween train, and says she’s wonders if Alison is still
alive. She echoes all of our sentiments when she exclaims would Ali
being alive be any weirder than anything else that’s happened on this
Melissa also confirms that “they” were all afraid of Wilden — are we to assume she means herself, Shana, Jenna, Garrett, Jason and Ian?
But probably the bigger bombshell is that apparently Melissa’s been
protecting Spencer the whole time. Hmm. Jenna and Shana were at the lodge,
they saw Wilden set the fire. But someone else (Red Coat?) pulled everybody out. And
Melissa may have had a part in Wilden’s death. But “A” absolves her of being on the A Team.
Meanwhile, Hector reveals to Aria that he owed Alison money — when he gets paid (by someone), she gets paid. Payment on delivery of the masks. Hmmm. She then took the money he had on him, jumped into a black car and sped away (but someone else was driving).
Aria is still hanging out with Jake, but her heart isn’t really in it. We know it’s because the tragic pining for her teacher affair is never ending. Never, ever ending. With the happy parts in color and the sad parts in black and white, y’all. Oh, the angst! Where’s a teen lit mag when you need one?
Jake at least has the wherewithal to know Ezria is not over after Aria spins her tail of illegal love to him. Run, Jake. Run for your life! Instead, he spins a metaphor about being hurt vs. injured that Aria can’t understand. Well, we all know she wasn’t paying attention to metaphors being taught in English class.
Dad’s back in town — is this the first time we’ve seen her parents at the same time since Season 1? Feels that way. They’re worried about Em and all the lies, but other than shouting about it, not much else happens. And don’t even act like you couldn’t have chased your considerably-shorter, arm-hobbled daughter down the street, Mr. Fields.
Oh, and Emily might need shoulder surgery. But even without surgery, she’s benched from swimming for a while. Bye bye, love nest o’ Stanford with Paige. But Paige is still awesome and loves Emily and they’re wonderful and cute. “Unpredictable,” as Paige says, which is kind of funny since Paige tried to drown Emily once.
But back at the Fields’ house, someone called the police about a “domestic disturbance.” Ouch. Not cool, “A.” Not cool.
Det. Holbrook brings his partner, Lt. Tanner, in and no offense to Sean Faris, but Roma Maffia is one bad bleepity-bleep (loved you on “Nip/Tuck,” Roma!) and clearly is both the brains and the brawn of the operation.
Hanna tries to go toe-to-toe with Tanner, but she is clearly in way over her head. And, after rifling through Wilden’s safety deposit box at the bank (contents: two passports, a gun, a planner, tons of cash and a dead pig), the officers are totally suspicious of Ashley Marin. Vault privileges — revoked. No more stealing old ladies’ money for you, good lady.
And Hanna is pretty convinced her mom killed Wilden and “A” knows, but we all know better — Ashley Marin didn’t kill Wilden, that’s a total red herring. Though why Ashley doesn’t just tell Hanna that is kind of baffling. What is she really hiding?
In other Spencer news, hey, look, her mom! Just in time for, basically, this:
Mrs. H: Melissa’s the best.
Spencer: Yeah, I know.
Mrs. H: The bestest best and clearly my favorite. But don’t be jealous.
Spencer: I get it, mom. Oh, and bee tee dub, I didn’t get in to UPenn.
Mrs. H: *shoots fire out of her mouth like a dragon*
He’s headed upstate to talk to Dr. Palmer about his mom the day she supposedly killed herself. But turns out Dr Palmer is Dr. Dementia now. Sad. The only thing he remembers is the air being wrong around a “blonde girl” who came to see Mrs. Cavanaugh.
Thoughts & Tidbits
- No Mona this week! Unacceptable. We demand Mona every week, please and thank you.
- What was up with Spencer’s weird bunchy-waisted skirt and Aria’s insane stripey jeans? Big thumbs down on those, though Hanna’s newsprint-y shirt and red jacket ensemble goes a long way to make up for it.
- So, the big questions we have: Who was paying Hector (and Alison) to make the Ali masks? Red Coat? “A”? Who drove Alison away from the cabin? And why was Alison visiting Mrs. Cavanaugh in Radley?
- Also, what does Melissa mean by “since this whole thing started’? Does she mean when Ali disappeared? When her body was found? When the NAT club members started being targeted? Hmmm.
What did you think of “Face Time,” PLL fans?