In “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” Teresa and Danielle create sparks, but Jacqueline’s daughter may have ignited the flame.
This episode jumps right into Crazy Town. It picks up just as Teresa’s eyes gloss over (you know of what I speak) at the end of the last episode and she starts screaming at Danielle. New best line ever? “I don’t want to call you honey. Is b**** better?” That goes right into the hall of fame. That, of course followed right after Teresa declared herself “the sweetest.” To be fair, Danielle could have made Mother Teresa throw the bible at her head.
When Danielle accused Teresa of having her house foreclosed on, that’s when all hell broke loose. Teresa began swaying her finger declaring her Patterson, New Jersey hood and Danielle went running. Teresa and Jacqueline took chase and Danielle made it outside, broken heels and all. Meanwhile, beefy blonde New Jersey women were coming out of the woodwork trying to hold back Teresa. That was frightening.
overreacted hyperventilated outside, Jacqueline’s daughter was silent and deadly as she crept up to Danielle and pulled at her weave. Oh, Lordie, Ashley, I can’t believe you pulled her hair! You don’t know where it has been. And that’s when all hell broke loose. I think I wrote that already. Hell broke loose a lot in the first 10 minutes of the show.
The police started arriving soon after as Danielle tried to get Ashley, Teresa and Jacqueline arrested. How badass was Jacqueline when she just stood there outside Kim G.’s car when Danielle was calling 911? I have to say that Ashley’s story about pulling just Danielle’s weave, so she technically didn’t touch any part of Danielle was inspired. Sadly, that probably won’t fly in court. Regardless, no one was arrested.
I think it’s funny that Danielle just wants everyone arrested and thrown in jail. With her record, you’d think she wouldn’t want to wish that on anyone else.
We then go into a flurry of people giving their versions of the story. Teresa and Jacqueline seem to be on a bit of a high about the whole ordeal until they get to the part about Ashley pulling Danielle’s hair, which none of them seem happy about. That’s spliced with scenes of Danielle telling ex-felon Danny what went down. Her tone is obviously more sullen about it, though I think the event reinforced her paranoia that the other castmembers are out to kill her. Funny when you consider the source.
Back at her totally unforeclosed upon home, Teresa finally breaks the news to her husband, Joe. It’s crazy how theatrical she is about it, but it seems adding all that in keeps him amused. At times, he looks confused by the events, but she gives a pretty rousing version of the night. In the end, she asks, “So, did I do good, baby?” And I think he has already forgotten what she was talking about and he’s ready for some sweet lovin’.
Albie lawyers up
It looks like Albie wasn’t able to convince his law school to keep him on. In the case that someone flunks out of law school, that person can’t return (or apply, I’m not sure) to another school for two years. Albie has decided to investigate whether he has a case for waiving the two-year rule. His attorney lets him know that she believes the school hasn’t fulfilled their end of the bargain when it comes to accommodating his learning disability and she thinks he has a case.
Later, he tells his parents that he can avoid suing the school if they sign a letter stating that he should be able to excel at another law school. Caroline seems visibly proud that he’s fighting back.
Oh, the hits keep coming. Danielle energist gets into the mix to help her get over the night of a thousand sobs. Not sure what an energist is really. Maybe someone out there can tell me? But then she comes up with the brilliant idea of talking to Jacqueline to help manage her energy. When the energist called Jacqueline, it was a huge joke for her. Love that she started playing games on her phone. Maybe she was channeling her energy into powering her phone?
Danielle and Kim G. meet over cheese fries (that’s my guess at what they were eating, anyway) to talk over the crazy that was the other night. It’s clear that Danielle is dead set on filing charges against Ashley. And that’s fine. It’s her right and Ashley did give her hair quite a yank. But, she then starts talking about how dangerous Ashley can become and she needs to learn her lesson. This is coming from a woman who kidnapped a pistol-whipped a man? Danielle should really stop projecting on Ashley. My educated guess is that she isn’t even 1% the deadly that Danielle was at her age.
We then drop in on Jacqueline and her husband, Chris, as they’re scolding Ashley for not only pulling Danielle’s hair, but also posting that the night was “unbeweavable” on Facebook. And they totally make sense. Danielle is paranoid enough without Ashley adding fuel to the fire. I do believe that she felt she was getting revenge on Danielle for hitting her mother. But, she can’t continue to feed the angry cougar, right?
It’s hard to assign blame here. The whole altercation probably would’ve never happened if Teresa never decided to say hello to Danielle in the first place. Though, when paranoid Danielle took offense to Teresa calling her “honey,” that was really when the crazy erupted. So, who do you think was at fault?
Photo credit: Bravo