“The League” Season 5 came to a close Wednesday (Nov. 20) with a double feature — “Baby Geoffrey Jesus” and “The Eight Defensive Points of Hanukkah.”
In the first episode, it’s Ruxin vs. Sophia for how baby Geoffrey is going to be raised, Jewish or Catholic. And Jenny gets some lineup advice from her friend Ben, which Pete is highly offended by — “I don’t want to live with someone who doesn’t respect me as a fantasy football player” — so he stays with Pete for a while.
The final episode features Jenny vs. Andre for the Shiva and Kevin vs. Pete for the Sacko/Ruxin, plus Andre teaming up with a fellow plastic surgeon Dr. Hector Rocha (Aziz Ansari) — but Rocha gets Andre to sign a contract saying he’ll work for “No Child Cleft Behind” in El Salvador for three years, because Andre is a dummy who didn’t read it.
In the end, though, Rafi and Ruxin’s sister Rebekah save the day for Andre by sending Taco Corp’s van rolling down a hill while they do it inside and they crush Rocha’s hand. And Jenny pulls out a win for the Shiva. God bless us, every one.
It was chock full of good lines, as always:
Andre: “Andre vs. AIDS, a battle I’ve been preparing for my entire life.”
Ruxin: “Isn’t there a part for like the guy who runs the bank of Bethlehem or Jesus’ entertainment lawyer? Nothing?”
Ruxin: “If my kid is gonna hate Jews, it’s ’cause he’s self-loathing, not anti-Semitic.”
Pete: “Are you concerned about your wife’s fidelity or are you just hungry right now?”
Kevin: “Little bit of both.”
Pete: “I think communication is sort of a last-resort thing in marriages.”
Jenny: “Our friend Ruxin spent last night adding and then dropping every single defense in the league.”
Ruxin: “I also hate-watched ‘Dancing With the Stars.'”
Ruxin: “You’re like a disgusting meat-straw, Rafi.”
Rafi: “That is maybe the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
Andre: “We’ll call them VD. With VD, you’ll be burnin’ like Vernon.”
Taco: “I’ve actually died a bunch of times, but the hospital always makes me alive again.”
Ruxin: “I try to be the ethical cornerstone to my friends and family.”
Taco: “Eskimo Brothers Database. We log and catalog your eskimo family tree for you, so all you have to do is put your penis in someone and we do the rest.”
Ruxin: “You guys are no longer my favorite couple here. Nip/Suck just took first prize.”
Kevin: “I had a fight with Pete.”
Jenny: “Do you wanna talk about it?”
Rafi: “I was just telling my nephew how grea tit is to be Jewish, ’cause I’m pretty freakin’ Jewish right now. I’m pretty much killin’ it on the Jew front.”