It’s that time again — when we look back on the past seven days to see who has a budding second career as a nude butcher and who took a metaphorical watermelon to the face (or, as it so happens this week, a literal one).
So sit back, relax, and brace yourself for a ten-minute hug so we can whisper sweet WTFs in your ear.
]]>Taylor Momsen stories normally come straight from the horse’s mouth, so her publicist was probably relieved this week when the latest doozy came from her guitarist instead — or they would have been had the anecdote not been about Taylor bringing her neutered dog’s testicles home from the vet just to light them on fire. [Note to “Gossip Girl” execs: are you sure you want her back this season?] -A lot happened during the final installment of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” reunion, but none of the screaming, eye-rolling or weave-pulling reenactments held a candle to the moment Danielle Staub floated across the room to hug Teresa and Jacqueline, the latter of whom she spent a solid two minutes awkwardly trying to feel up while whispering something about happiness. She won’t be missed. -The last time Lady Gaga shot a cover for Vogue Hommes Japan — which was too few issues ago to already be doubling up, by the way — she went full tranny, so even by Gaga standards, you’d think she’d have to take things pretty far to outdo herself. Instead, she went for a simple, demure… meat dress. Yes, in lieu of wearing actual clothing for the fashion mag, Lady Gaga can currently be seen draped with raw beef. -We’ve always admired Jane Fonda‘s candidness, so in a recent interview, it was refreshing to hear the real reason for her staying fit and healthy… money. And since money is what keeps all celebrities from atrophying like the rest of us, she’s reigniting her long-dormant fitness franchise with a new set of exercise DVDs aimed at older folks. If it’s half as good as Estelle Getty’s “Young at Heart” workout, she’s already sold one copy. -We’re emotionally (and contractually) obligated to pick the shiniest gem from the week in Bieber, and this one was easy. The first promos for Justin’s “CSI” cameo came out and he’s a super creep. Now we admire a serious turn from any pop star, but at 16, it might be a tad soon for Bieber to give us nightmares. Donnie Wahlberg was 30 before he did “The Sixth Sense.” -Will and Jada Pinkett Smith are getting more serious about being stage parents than they are about their own careers. And while the release of 9-year-old Willow Smith‘s debut single, “Whip My Hair,” should be heralded with skepticism and snark, it’s sort of the summer jam we never got. We have no idea what the hell she’s talking about, but we like it.