Previously on: The WWE World Heavyweight Championship was vacated, Daniel Bryan is still injured and WWE fired a bunch of people.
The big news: This episode of “WWE Raw” was scattered all over the map, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It started with an all-talent meeting in the arena. The Authority let them know anyone can become the champion, except for The Shield.
They booked a battle royal to fill one of the “Money in the Bank” slots and John Cena vs. Kane in a stretcher match in the main event for another. Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns were banned from the battle royal.
That doesn’t stop Reigns from putting something in Stephanie McMahon’s coffee to make her sick. After she vomits more than humanly possible, Triple H takes her to the hospital and leaves Vickie Guerrero in charge. Considering how much she hates The Authority, Reigns begs her to put him in the battle royal and she agrees.
Of course, that means he also won the battle royal and a ticket to the “Money in the Bank” ladder match. In the main event Seth Rollins and Randy Orton attacked John Cena, but Dean Ambrose made the save wearing blue jeans. Cena ended up throwing the stairs outside of the ring at Kane, which doesn’t look nearly as devastating as it sounds.
In the end, Cena hit the AA onto the stretcher and rolled Kane over the finish line for the win. He gets the final slot in the “Money in the Bank” ladder match.
The silliest part of the evening was Goldust’s new tag team partner. It’s Cody Rhodes in a Goldust costume. He’s called Stardust now. Once upon a time he could have been WWE World Heavyweight Champion, now he’s literally Goldust II. Ask Gallagher II how well that worked out for his comedy career.
Odds and ends
- Seth Rollins hasn’t given up on wearing cargo pants, Shield or no Shield.
- The Usos ladder dive was excellent.
- Jerry Lawler’s confusing Mikhail Gorbachev for Dory Funk was priceless.
- Rest in peace, 3 Man Band. After some firings last week, Heath Slater is the only one left and he’s turning babyface.
- The humiliate Vickie Guerrero storyline is lame. It’s also insanely unrealistic. No one vomits like that.
- Adam Rose is still the coolest person in WWE. Don’t be a lemon, be a Rosebud.
- It’s official, Kevin Hart is a Rosebud. He even did the stage dive.
- So many CM Punk chants in the arena tonight, you’d think they were in Chicago.
- No Daniel Bryan once again and no time table on his return.
- Seth Rollins beat Dolph Ziggler by DQ
- Bad News Barrett beat Dean Ambrose
- Sheamus beat Bray Wyatt by DQ
- Rusev beat Heath Slater
- Adam Rose beat Fandango
- Roman Reigns won the “Money in the Bank” battle royal
- Paige beat Cameron
- Stardust and Goldust beat Rybaxel
- John Cena beat Kane