The U.S. “X Factor” is down to its first finale – who do you think is going to win out of Melanie Amaro, Josh Krajcik or Chris Rene?
The music that accompanies the start of “The X Factor” (it’s a famous piece, I don’t know it’s name) would make one think that the final three are going to have to vanquish lions before they turn on each, armed only with a small knife. Also, Nicole and Paula are dressed like extras from “Blade Runner.” This is kinda scary. But let’s get to the performances.
1. Josh Krajcik, “Uninvited”
Huh. I love this song, but this is a weird song choice for Josh. The song loses some of its power when not sung by a higher, broken female voice. But then Alanis Morissette is there. Um, this is weird. I thought the finale performances would be alone. Hmm. When they start singing together, it’s pretty good, but visually it’s very awkward. It’s like Alanis just got there and ran on stage and isn’t sure who Josh is. I mean, I love Josh and I love Alanis, but that was really bizarre. Did anyone else feel that way?
2. Chris Rene, “Complicated”
Seriously? This is his song? This is wretched. My husband goes, “Did he just get done running wind sprints?” He sounds ridiculous and I say this as a fan of Chris Rene and his original songs. But W.T.F. is happening right now? He goes, “Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you’ve been waiting for … Avril Lavigne.” Um, nope. Avril Lavigne is not any moment I’ve ever been waiting for. When she comes out, she and Chris are kind of adorable together, but even Avril can’t sing this stupid song on key. Good lord.
I’m sorry – but what is with the “results show” performances seeping into the finale? This is not showcasing the singers, this is making them sing with whatever stars have an album coming out or are amenable to being on this show. Do not want. This is so dumb. This has taken the spectacle of the final performances and ramped it up to 11. Ugh.
That could NOT be a record, Simon. Put down whatever you’ve been smoking this entire season and be the Simon we used to know.
We now cut to Chris Rene’s face-cake in a nightclub hosted by a shrieking woman and, like, the Crypt Keeper. Good god.
3. Melanie Amaro, “I Believe I Can Fly”
Yeah, this song is fine and Melanie sounds great, but like – she’s singing it with the guy who was accused of child pornography and who peed (PEED) on an underage girl in a video. I am so uncomfortable with this. Husband pipes up, “That’s all I think of when I think of R. Kelly.”
L.A. Reid starts his comments with (I kid you not), “That is one of the most important songs of the last 50 years.” Which should really not surprise me after his complete lack of knowledge about “Skyscraper” not being a youthful song, but he says that and I just sit on the couch, mouth agape. Um, what? Are you freaking kidding me? It’s from “Space Jam.” SPACE JAM. And if I were to make a list of the most important songs from the last 50 years, I don’t think “I Believe I Can Fly” would crack the top 1000. THOUSAND.
I have fallen down the rabbit hole. What in God’s name is happening with this finale, y’all?
Then the Cylons come out to destroy the humans. “A Cylon flash-mob hits ‘X Factor,'” says the husband. He is on fire tonight. Am I drunk? Maybe I’m drunk, you guys. I just … I’m running out of ways to express my disbelief without resorting to just strings of profanity.
Now Michael Jackson is involved. I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise.
Apparently it’s the group sing portion of the evening. Chris, Melanie and Josh are there together repeating “They don’t care about us” over and over and over until we give in to the Cylon overlords.
4. Josh Krajcik, “At Last”
This is really nice. If they trot the terminally-ill Etta James out on stage, I am done. I will turn this off. Luckily, they do not. And for real, this is pretty beautiful. So different from the original, while not being a bastardization of it. Josh is making some more crazy-eyed, borderline vinegar strokes faces, but other than that, nice.
5. Chris Rene, “Young Homey”
This is a smart choice for his final performance, though I do feel like we’ve heard it enough and he also sounds out of breath again, which is weird. Hmm. I love Chris Rene as a person, but I just think talent-wise, he is light years behind Josh and Melanie. He’s more of a songwriter than he is a performer, I think.
Paula loses her mind, it’s rather alarming.
6. Melanie Amaro, “Listen”
Great choice, great callback to her audition. We said back when she tried out that this might be the single best audition on a singing competition show we’ve ever heard and she’s still got it. She gets to the climax and we get goosebumps and a little teary-eyed. Wow, she’s so talented.
Well, y’all, this completely bizarre finale notwithstanding, it would be a crime if Melanie doesn’t win this. What do you think?