'90210' recap: Fire Crotches

90210-s4-teddy-ade-navid-silver-320.jpgOn "90210," Silver is so swept up in a breast cancer benefit to honor her late mother that she barely notices what a flaming queen her boyfriend Teddy is. Okay, he's not really all that gay as-is, but he does jump a little too high at the chance to shake his groove thing with the other boys, no? But nothing comes easy for either Silver or Mr. Montgomery, and the guy with whom Teddy hooked up has volunteered his services as the choreographer to the manstravaganza. Long story short, Silver has a wildly successful auction, and Teddy has a tendency to call people homophobic slurs, then beat them to smithereens. Way to set yourself up for a jailcation, buddy!

AAdrianna also volunteers her services for the benefit, then has to back out when Navid Lite's malicious uncle Victor appoints himself her new manager and takes 80% of her earnings in exchange for keeping mum about her theft of NL's songs. He books her for a birthday gig the same night of the benefit, so not only does she have to back out on Silver like an ass, she is basically pimped out in front of Navid when Victor the sleaze tells her to "rub up" on the birthday boy. After spending the entire episode hemming and hawing about confessing her sins to Navid and/or Silver, AAdrianna uses her $2,000 in gig money to buy Navid at the benefit bachelor auction. A nice gesture, sure, but utterly fiscally irresponsible.

Ivy naturally plans to buy Dixon at the auction. She succeeds, but only with the intervention of Silver after Dixon's ex-girlfriend -- she of the DJ-ing and the hysterical pregnancy -- shows up hoping to "talk." This development worries Ivy, who has decided she's ready to cash in her V-card to Dixon, but with some nudging and a lifetime supply of condoms from MILF, Ivy decides to go full steam ahead. Unfortunately for her, the ex finally corners Dixon and tells him that she has tested positive for HIV, and he should probably get checked out.

On the outskirts of the action, Liam schemes his way into La Casa Nueva so he can get closer to Annie. Just as he's about to seal the deal, he meets the latest guy she's been dating -- his half-brother, who set Liam for his life of crime way back when by stealing a credit card, going on a shopping spree, and blaming it on Liam. Liam does the boneheaded thing he always done and redirects his anger toward Annie. Made vulnerable by this change of heart and newly aware that the Wilsons aren't as financial stable as they once were (thanks to Harry's crappy new job and Debbie lack of a job at all), Annie decides to go forward with the donating her eggs to her boss for the sum of $20,000.

Also, Silver finally spills to the other girls that Naomi was brutalized by Cannon. They rekindle their group dynamic and vow to make Cannon pay, come Hell or high water. I sincerely hope this leads to 9 to 5-style antics in which Cannon is tied to a chair and humiliated. Start growing your mustache, Professor Rapenstein.

Photo credit: The CW


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