'Agents of SHIELD,' 'Modern Family' and more best lines this week in TV

chloe-bennett-agents-of-shield-weeks-best-lines-abc.jpgIt was a jam-packed week for television with the fall 2013 TV season officially kicking off on with last Sunday's (Sept. 22) Primetime Emmy Awards. With nearly all of our favorite characters (and the brilliant writers who tell them what to say) back on the small screen, Zap2it continues its celebration of our favorite lines from the past seven days' programming.

From Merritt Wever's infamous acceptance speech at the Emmys to Tina Fey's triumphant return to Studio 8H as the host of the Season 39 premiere of "Saturday Night Live," it was a good, good week in terms of notable quotable.

So, without any further ado, here are 15 of the best lines on television the week of Sept. 22:

* "Thank you so much. I gotta go -- bye." - The entirety of Merritt Wever's acceptance speech for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy

* "Welcome to New Hampshire." - the vacuum repair guy (Robert Forster) to Walt (Bryan Cranston) after dropping him off at his new home on "Breaking Bad."

* "With great power comes ... a bunch of other weird crap you're not prepared to handle." - Skye (Chloe Bennet) to Mike (J. August Richards) on "Marvel's Agents of SHIELD."

* "Anything new, let's see, well -- Facebook went public and Edward Snowden went private. Kim and Kanye had a baby, so now there's another Kardashian to not keep up with. Paula Deen is out, gay marriage is in and a teacher in California is out for letting her students get it in. Justin Bieber got a hit and run, Chris Brown got a hit and run, Rihanna got hit and still didn't run. Oprah gave Lindsay two million dollars, cunnilingus gave Michael Douglas throat cancer and Michael Douglas gave guys everywhere another excuse not to do that. Egypt went crazy, Amanda Bynes went crazier and the NSA checks our phones like a crazy ex-girlfriend. Oh, and Texas hates women, Florida hates blacks and everybody  hates everything, with the exception of Angelina Jolie, who is totally awesome." - Max (Kat Dennings) recaps the summer on "2 Broke Girls."

* "Cool, he can do magic. You know who else does magic? The clown who molested my cousin. We're not all fawning over him, are we?" - Mindy (Mindy Kaling) about the office's adoration of Paul (James Franco) on "The Mindy Project."

* "The game is not over." -- Arch villain Janvier (Christopher Lambert) to Callen (Chris O'Donnell), who had just locked him up (literally) on a "triple life sentence," on "NCIS: Los Angeles."

* "Oh, creepy 'bingo.'" -- Garcia (Kirsten Vangsness), upon realizing her hunch about a suspect was right, on "Criminal Minds."

* "What if he never comes back?" - Lily (Aubrey Anderson-Emmons) to Jay (Ed O'Neill) and Gloria (Sofia Vergara), as Manny (Rico Rodriguez) heads to Colombia on "Modern Family."
"Oh honey, no one ever leaves home and never comes back." - Jay
"I did." - Lily

* "If for some reason, I don't come back tonight, I'll be staying at the Applewood Suits under the name Suzuki Sinclair. Ask for Charles." - Jess (Zooey Deschanel) on "New Girl."

* "Worst. Restaurant. EVER." - Wes during "The Challenge: Rivals 2" final competition when they had to eat worms, maggots, pickled fish, and dried squid.

* "I can't believe we're at Hogwarts!" Andy (Chris Pratt), in London on "Parks and Recreation."
 "No, that's Buckingham Palace. Hogwarts is fictional. Do you know that? It's important to me that you know that." - Ben (Adam Scott)

* "It'd be nice to be with a man who wants to know what's underneath my cardigan... FYI, it's another cardigan." - Amy Farrah-Fowler (Mayim Bialik) on "The Big Bang Theory."

* "Maybe everyone could just email all their suggestions to us and we'll pore through them and do a 'reply all.'" - Crosby (Dax Shepard) on his naming the baby on "Parenthood."

* "I hate the sun. It's like God calling you an alcoholic." - Jenny (Amber Tamblyn) on "Two and a Half Men." ­

* "I am so glad to be here hosting SNL because, as some of you might know, I don't have a show anymore, and unless I'm on TV once every three weeks, a little part of me dies. How am I gonna demand the best table at Subway if I don't have a TV show?" - Tina Fey during her opening monologue on "Saturday Night Live."

What were some of your favorite lines from the past week?
Photo/Video credit: ABC
SHARE IT ON: