'American Idol' Results: Danny Gokey Stays, Allison Iraheta Goes and Life Remains Unfair

Paulaabdul_americanidol_240 Who is going home tonight on "American Idol?" It's the first week where I truly don't know who is going home. Can Danny's crazy fans keep him here after that blood-curdling scream last night? How will Paula Abdul do performing tonight? Ooooh, I hope she dances!

They immediately subject us to Danny's scream again in the video recap. Haven't we all suffered enough? Won't someone think of the children?

Seacrest reminds us that we have 3 performers tonight who haven't had Top 10 hits since 1992, 2002 and 2007. I'll let you guess which is which.

Ford Music Video. "Move Along" is our song and it features the Idols jumping out of a billboard, newspaper, t-shirt and bus stop sign. And Danny has on a very tight gray shirt that makes him look like he has man-boobs. Yikes.

Group sing is "School's Out" with Slash on guitar, which is cool. Allison gets the "no more pencils, no more books" part and it's awesome, especially when Adam comes in on the harmony. Excellent. Kris's voice is just too clear and pretty for songs like this, but he tries his very best. Slash has a nice guitar solo in the middle. Overall, not the worst group sing, not by a long shot. Seacrest talks to Slash afterwards and it looks like he is just interviewing a hat with hair because Slash won't face the camera. It's creepy.

In chatting with the Idols, we revisit Danny's note and he gets apologize about how he walked over to the judges thinking, "Yeah, I nailed that." and then he saw Randy's eyes as big as saucers. He also watched it back and just laughed and laughed because it was so horrible. At least he has a sense of humor about it, I'll give him that. Allison also gets to explain about her feistiness and that Simon was asking for it. He really, really was.

Now we get Paula! WOO HOO! Pleasebegoodpleasebegoodpleasebegood. The song is "I'm Just Here for the Music" and the vocals are very electronically enhanced. That's fine, though, I want to see her dance. Unfortunately, many of the moves are obscured because the fog machine guy has fallen asleep at the switch again. And what we can see isn't that spectacular. I must remind myself that "Cold Heart Snake" was like 20 years ago. Ms. Abdul still has a pretty bangin' body and the song is cute, but doesn't blow me away. I applaud the effort but... meh.

Now we have No Doubt singing a song that could almost have its own children at this point, "I'm Just a Girl." Speaking of being too old for this crap, isn't Gwen Stefani like 40 years old with two kids? I mean, couldn't they have done something that was a hit when the majority of voters for this show were alive?

Unnecessary video of past Idols' hometown visits.

Finally some results. Seacrest assures us the finalists are announced in random order. After a recap of the judges' propaganda producer-induced crapfest comments, Seacrest sends Adam KRIS to the Top 3. NO WAY! Wow, that is very surprising. It also makes me feel sick to my stomach that Allison is going home, which is crap. She's the best natural singer in the competition.

Daughtry is here. They remind us Chris was kicked off Idol 3 years ago tonight, so maybe that bodes well for Allison (sniffle). Daughtry performs "No Surprise," their new single. Chris is playing a comically large guitar. Seriously, it looks like it's going to tip him over at any moment. The song is very Matchbox-20-The-Calling-Third-Eye-Blind-rock-pop radio hit. Not bad, but it doesn't really hold my attention.

After checking in with the Cardinals game, I flip back to see Seacrest giving Daughtry a framed record/plaque thing. Very nice. Give me more results!

Seacrest finally tells us the second person safe is... Adam. Well, duh. That wouldn't leave any suspense if they left him in it. And then Danny is safe. God, that is gross. To the Danny fans:  As Dave Barry says, "Everyone is entitled to your opinion... and yours is wrong."

Danny is a karaoke hack, he can't hold a candle to the other 3 left. Allison, it can be argued, is the best singer in the competition. Adam is awesome but they are good in very different ways. Her rich tone and effortless control and runs are just fabulous. She's amazing and it is gross that she's going out 4th.

Ugh. What should we do to retaliate, guys?

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