'American Horror Story': Undead threesome? Sure, why not

american-horror-story-coven-threesome-madison-kyle-zoe.jpgWere you just sitting at home thinking "American Horror Story" didn't have enough sex so far in its "Coven" iteration? Well, you're in luck with the Nov. 20 episode "The Dead."

The Axeman and Fiona

Fiona shacks up with the Axeman and has some light-bulb blowing sexy time. But for her, that's all she wanted, while it turns out he's a creeping creeper who creeps, having watched her since she came to Miss Robichaux's when she was a little girl. When recounting the years of watching her undress in her room, he makes sure to say that he went from loving her as a father to loving her as something else.

Uh huh. It's still creepy, dude.

Fiona finds it pretty creepy too and bolts, but when she can't find the strength to shave her hair off, she comes back to him. Plus, there's the added bonus that she doesn't mind the body in the bathtub. Match made in heaven?

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Zoe brings FrankenKyle back to the house -- he has a rather touching flashback to his days before the bus crash, where he wanted to be an engineer and make sure nothing like the levees breaking during Katrina can happen again. But now in present day, it just upsets him because he remembers his fraternity brothers' tattoos and then sees them on his own body. He has their arm and leg, you see. Ouch.

Zoe decides she's just going to put him out of his misery, but when he grabs the gun to do it himself, she stops him and decides to start teaching him words. But your boring flashcards are no match for Madison's feminine wiles. She seduces him and they do it up against the wardrobe, which Zoe walks in on.

She's hurt but has kind of resigned herself to the fact that she can't be with him (or anyone, because of her killer vagina. We had kind of forgotten about that, truth be told). Madison's solution is that she and Zoe can share Kyle, so she leads a fresh-out-of-the-shower Zoe into the bedroom, the towel drops and the sexy time ensues.

Frankly, we're actually surprised at the level of restraint shown in the threesome scene.

Queenie, Delphine and Marie Laveau

Queenie makes a visit to Marie's salon, mostly because she's curious but also trying to find her place in the witchy world. Marie makes her an offer -- bring her Madame LaLaurie and she'll be a protected member of Marie's "coven" (or whatever she calls it) forever.

It seems as though Queenie actually considers not doing it (they did bond over fast food after all), but first, she wants to know what is the worst thing Delphine ever did. Turns out she killed the baby her housemaid Sally had with her husband (Delphine's husband) and painted the baby's blood on her face as a beauty regiment. Yeah, that's pretty gross. Sally the maid is so distraught she takes a dive off the balcony.

Again, kudos to the show for leaving all the baby stuff off-screen. It's bad enough to hear about it.

That's the last straw for Queenie, who takes Delphine to "get her hair done" but instead hands her over to Marie, who promptly locks Delphine in a cage and uses her blood for the nightly beauty treatment. Poetic justice, for sure, though we hope Kathy Bates isn't done on the show. She's such a terrific actress.

Cordelia and the Coven

Cordelia runs into Madison (literally) and has a vision of Fiona slitting Madison's throat. So she calls Zoe -- a "hot-s*** witch" for having enough power to set the Axeman free -- into her office to convince Zoe that Fiona will be after her next for the powers she's exhibiting. The only solution is to kill Fiona before she kills them.

Zoe wants to make sure it really was Fiona who killed Madison before she just goes offing Fiona herself, so she reattaches Spalding's tongue (it was just hanging out in the crawl space) and he confesses that Fiona did it. Zoe then stabs Spalding and we would guess that's all she wrote for the resident necrophiliac butler.

What does this all mean for the great search for the next Supreme? Zoe is certainly growing stronger by the day, but that feels like such a red herring. Plus, creator Ryan Murphy just teased that someone they were considering for the spinoff is going to die in episode 8 or 9, so ... Zoe? That'd be shocking. And she is definitely spinoff material.

Thoughts & Tidbits

  • Such a bummer no Misty this week. Hopefully she and Myrtle will be back next week.
  • Best Lines:

  • Kyle: "Seriously, Toto is amazing. I will not argue about this bro, Toto is amazeballs."

  • Madison: "I would give everything I have, or will ever have, just to feel pain again or to hurt. ... I can't feel anything. We think that pain is the worst feeling. It isn't. How can anything be worse than this eternal silence inside of me?"

  • Marie: "Their power is built on the sweat of our backs. The only reason you and I are in this country is 'cause our great-great-grandpas couldn't run fast enough. We'll never be welcome here. And those witches are the worst. ... You mix your witch with our voodoo and even a Supreme won't be able to touch you."

  • Queenie: "My mom always said that in order to be a true friend, you have to see the ugly to appreciate the good."

  • Cordelia: "My mother killed her because she thought Madison was the next leader of our coven. She wanted to absorb her power, her life force. So if she even thinks you're next, you're next."

What did you think of "The Dead"?

Photo/Video credit: FX
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