'American Idol': Worst episode ever?

american-idol-los-angeles.jpg"American Idol" takes on the crazy town of Los Angeles, CA Thursday night (Feb. 3), plus the MySpace auditions are in the house. So in "Idol" land it's still 2004? Got it.

That makes sense, since this episode is almost wall-to-wall bad/crazy auditions and that schtick hasn't been funny since then.

Victoria Garrett is the first audition of the night and you can just tell by her crazy outfit from 1984, her God talk and her starry-eyed attitude that she is going to suck. And she does. Why do we have to watch those? Hilariously, afterwards she says, "I let my nerves get the best of me."

This episode's resident J.Lo-lover is Tim Halperin with "She Will Be Loved." The lower stuff is nice, but he doesn't quite have the chops to do the high stuff on the chorus. But the whole narrative of this guy's audition is his love for Jennifer Lopez, so who cares how he sounded? Tim gets through, despite a no from Randy.

So Randy is just randomly saying no to people that he knows are going to get through because of the other two? Is that what's happening?

Two friends Daniel Gomez and Isaac Rodriguez are BFFs auditioning together. Oh, this should end well. Daniel's "I'll Be" is basically devoid of melody or tune and the judges let him down easy. Then Isaac comes in and he can't sing either! What is with this? Isaac sounds like he's getting a wedgie throughout the entire song. There's a running gag about how he dropped out of college and he hasn't told his parents, but the cameras keep getting his mom talking about her son being in "the school."

So yeah -- hilarious! Drop out of school, kids! Don't tell your parents! Hinge all your hopes and dreams on your "positive attitude" and total lack of singing talent! That won't get you homeless and doing unspeakable things in Hollywood for grocery money. Ughhhh.

We don't understand -- almost across the board, Wednesday episodes are fantastic. The judges are great, we see good singers, the stupid shenanigans are kept to a minimum. Then it's like the editors can't contain themselves any longer for Thursday episodes -- the Thursday episodes stink! Please, please let us get to Hollywood Week soon.

Seacrest brings us back from commercial telling us that the "hometown talent is bringing its A game." Uh, really? Evidence so far would actually have us believe the "hometown talent" isn't fit to sing in the shower. How about showing us some of these so-called "talented" people?

We finally get a good one with Karen Rodrigeuz, who was a MySpace auditionee. She has beautiful out-of-control red hair and does a wonderful "You Give Good Love." She is through with her big eyes and wide smile and crazy hair. We are smitten.

But we are right back with the trash as we have to sit through Tynisha Roches and her microphone and gross lip piercing and her "artistses" and really unfortunate bangs and crazy teeth. Can we just end this? Please? We don't even recognize her song ... until she gets to "I did it my way." Then we got it. Seriously, I do not have the patience for this trainwreck s***-monster tonight. Randy tries to bodily remove her from the room ad finally they have to call security because she won't stop singing. At least she has the good grace to say "thank you" on her way out. We guess.

After she leaves, Steven Tyler jokes that she's going to be there when Randy wakes up in the middle night, singing over him and Tyler imitates her. Now that was funny.

We now have Heidi Khzam, a girl belly dancing as Tyler thumps the table (both on top and underneath), she then sings "Superwoman" and it's okaaaaay, but like Stormi Henley, gets through because she's pretty. We did enjoy J.Lo's "simmer it down" and look of consternation at the two gentlemen on either side of her.

glenn-shadix-beetlejuice-2.jpgSo after seeing just a mediocre singer get through, we are back to the wasteland that is Los Angeles with Matthew Scott Frankel, who we're pretty sure is also Glenn Shadix. He kind of rap/sings and it is terrifying. This guy clearly has problems, please stop. Please stop making fun of him, get him out of there. J.Lo is being very kind and gracious to this poor fellow, while Randy is being kind of mean.

On his way out, MSF says he and Randy are "beefin'" and that maybe next year they "can squash the beef." Um, keep that shiz to yourself please. I do not want to think about Randy Jackson squashing any beef.

There's a Bad Singer montage with a man they picked up at the bus stop and put a suit on, a girl in honest-to-god a denim mini dress who looks like maybe her mom's her sister and her dad's her cousin, an escapee from Bible camp, a flasher with his own rendition of "Pants on the Ground" that actually gets a huge laugh from J.Lo and then the thing that ate Janet Jackson.

Make it stop. Oh my god, what is happening right now?!

The first actually good audition of the day is brothers Mark and Aaron Gutierrez. They do "Lean on Me" and it's fun. A little swoopy in parts, plus at times they're also giving us the icky feeling like they are about to make out. But, ya know, other than that it was good. They are both through.

The final audition of the episode is James Brown with meth mouth Cooper Robinson and we can't even take it. Is he supposed to be like General Larry Platt? Because THIS is not THAT.

Do the people in charge of this show realize this schtick is old, played-out and NOT funny? Why would they make an episode like this? Surely they didn't find NO talent in Los Angeles?

This might honestly be the worst episode of this show ever, in 10 seasons. Even the "good" singers aren't blow-us-away good. Karen Rodriguez was the only one worth a damn and she got totally lost in the shuffle of suck.

This was like if Kevin Covais' "Part-Time Lover," Antonella Barba's entire persona and Margaret Fowler mated and some freak-show mutant episode burst forth to rain terror down on the world.

I can't believe I just wasted an hour of my life on that. When does Hollywood Week start? 

Photo/Video credit: FOX
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