'America's Got Talent': Grandma Lee for President

Piersmorgan_americasgottalent_240 Tonight on "America's Got Talent," a 75 year-old female comedian named Grandma Lee is just delightful.

We're back on Houston tonight for auditions and a trio of cowboys are our first act. They call themselves The Texas Tenors, which is a cute name. I hope they can sing. They sing "Mountain Music" by Alabama. Honestly? It's not that good. Their harmonies on the "Hey, hey, heeeeey" part are off and on the verses whichever one is carrying the melody isn't strong enough and is being overpowered by the high harmony. That was pretty meh for me. They're cute and very excited but the vocals just aren't strong enough. Since they are new, I'll give them another performance before I suggest we get the hook.

The next act is Bruce Thomas, a handyman who farts with his hands in the tune of "Yankee Doodle." Next! This leads into a Bad Montage that includes Ruby Revue, a burlesque troupe that may have just started practicing that morning; In Sterio, white hip-hop flautists; and the Crispy Family Carnival, which is just a fat guy dancing around topless while women staple money to him. Or what my family calls "Thanksgiving."

Up next is an acrobatic slam-dunking group called Acrodunk. They are quite entertaining, though I see them more being booked for halftimes at basketball games than Las Vegas. The most impressive part is how they keep passing the ball back between first 3, then 4, then all 5 members and the last one to receive the ball dunks it. I'm not explaining it well, but it's cool. They're very good and deserve to make it through to the next round, and they do.

Hmm. I've found that Acrodunk has been on "America's Got Talent" before. Interesting.

Good Montage. Live in Color, a dance troupe that is very in-sync and flashy (from what I can tell) and very "Fame" in their costumes; Anna Pipoyan, a belly dancer who dances with a lit candlebra on her head (awesome); and Eclipse, a rapper who is definitely no K-Dizzle from last night (and I mean that in a very good way).

The Kaitlin of this year is Eleisha Miller, except she's old enough to be annoying and not just adorable like Kaitlin. She's like a brunette Dakota Fanning, just precocious as all hell. Eleisha and her ringlets sing/play "Proud Mary" and it's really mediocre but without the cuteness factor that made me so Kaitlin Blind last year. I would not send this little girl through; she can't really sing and her keyboard playing is pretty basic. Sharon says no and the crowd sharpens their pitchforks by the light of their torches, but Piers and David say yes and she's through. Hmmm. The guys love how cute and funny she is, but I think Sharon's with me, she sees right through it. The girl's probably a Bad Seed or something.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm speaking ill of little girls again. I must go flog myself now.

Twins Lamar and Jamar Jefferson are up next. I think parents who give twins rhyming names should be punched in the delivery room and forced to change it. Anyway, the Jeffersons sadly do not sing "Movin' on Up," but instead call themselves Timez 2 and sing "Yeah" by Usher and they certainly drive the women in the audience wild by writhing a lot and lifting up their beaters, but their singing isn't anything to write home about. Hmmm. They are through to Vegas unanimously, though.

What is with these mediocre singers who would never in a million years get in front of Simon Cowell getting through to Vegas? I don't think the Texas Tenors, Eleisha Miller and Timez 2 deserve Vegas at all. Harumph.

Grandma Lee is a 75 year-old woman from Florida who is there to live her dream. Well, that's nice and at least she's not as creepy as that Whatever Happened to Baby Jane tapdancer from last year. Turns out Grandma Lee is a comedian and she's not half bad, especially for an old lady. I particularly like her "ain't" joke. Seriously, she's not Mitch Hedburg but she's 1000x funnier than Dane Cook* and at least she's original. She's through to Vegas. Way to go, granny!

Our sob story du jour is Barbara Padilla, who sings "O Mio Babino, Caro." Man, I love that song. My most favorite song to perform. She sings with much emotion and it doesn't hurt that she's easy on the eyes. She's definitely good enough to advance, but I didn't think an opera singer should've won last year and I don't think one should win this year. Opera singers don't play Vegas. Anyway, the strains of "Hero" kick up as she talks about surviving cancer and whatnot. Yes, yes, good for you. She's through unanimously to Vegas.

Alright guys, join us back here next week for even more "America's Got Talent" auditions.


*Dane Cook sucks and you know it.

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