'America's Next Top Model' recap: Enter the Haggis

tyra-banks-antm-15-320.jpgOh my God, you guys, Tyra's phone has been hacked! But instead of finding some Olivia Munn level ****, we only get an email that outlines this season's makeovers. Er, I mean, this cycle's shakeovers. Yes, I said shakeovers. And they promise to be wacky! The girls head to the Sally Hershberger salon, and somewhere in the midst of describing what's happening Annaliese uses the word "freaky deaky," which makes her my instant favorite. There are some surprising-ish things. Laura gets a white-blonde bleach job, with red and blue clip-ins. Sophie goes cotton candy pink, and it actually looks pretty cute. Catherine goes magenta, and Alisha gets shaved on one side of her head and outfitted with a weave on the other. Just when you think that Azmarie is already bald and so this show can't think of anything to do to humiliate her, she gets "ANTM" shaved into the back of her head. In her spare time, she assists the stylists with her patented "shampoo of seduction," the perfect way to an aspiring model's heart and lady bits.

A couple of people are a little pain-in-the assy, per usual. Mariah gets very worried that her hair will be cut, and says that it would be like cutting her culture. This from the girl who was honored to wear a Pocahontas costume! Happily for her, she keeps the length and just get bangs, which makes her look oddly like a young Britney Spears. Poor Eboni gets a bad burn on her cheek from a curling iron. A similar thing happened to me in kindergarten and almost resulted in Child Protective Services paying a home visit -- see the recap for the full story! Louise is the worst of all, as she tries to resist both a Dutch boy cut and a darker color. In the end the stylists do just what they intended to, and she shows herself to be a complete prat. She thinks it look like Justin Bieber, which is not entirely untrue, but then somehow also thinks she's also the greatest. This one is a mental case, for sure.

Then there is a weird interlude in which the teams each have to eat a table full of food from the other team's country. Of course they pick the most disgusting stuff, like haggis for the British food and pig's feet for the American. Plus-sized Seymone uses her fiercely real powers to down a whole giant... loaf?... of haggis, to the disgust of everyone, even after Sophie tells her exactly what it's made of. Later, she feels sick and also mad that Candace makes a haggis joke at her expense. Candace was just telling a joke to make herself laugh!


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