'Bachelorette' recap: Confidence Men

emily-maynard-bachelorette-bachelors-abc.jpgAn audience screams and claps for Chris Harrison, who struts out and asks who here wants to see Emily find the love of her life. People yell and applaud in a way that you might if you, you know, actually knew Emily and had actual emotional investment in her happiness, as opposed to your weird needy desperation to have television people fill some sort of void in your life.

Harrison rattles off the list of losers who will be back tonight to pad out two hours before the padded THREE-HOUR finale on Sunday night, which has to be breaking some kind of law somewhere. I need to get my legal team on that.

Anyway, Harrison sits down with Emily to talk about the rejects, like Ryan, and Kalon, and other guys who say stupid things like "Don't get fat after we get married" and "Ricki is baggage" and "I would like to audition for The Bachelorette, please." How much of this do we need rehashed? There's also Doug, who stuck his tongue down Emily's face while she was dumping him, a French kiss Hail Mary that only made everyone, including the audience, feel bad about themselves.

Well, not the studio audience, which keeps bursting out in totally-spontaneous-and-not-at-all-coached applause. I'm not sure that anyone willing to be seen actually attending a Bachelorette taping is capable of feeling shame.

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