'Big Brother 12': Rachel returns

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"Big Brother 12" brings Rachel back into the house for 24 hours, all of which she spends in complete misery. Best episode ever? You decide.

Previously: Matt won Diamond Power of Veto by opening Pandora's Box; The Brigade is starting to crack; Brendon won HoH and nominated Ragan and Lane.

Nomination Reaction
The consensus is that Brendon doesn't know what he's doing, with Lane being especially puzzled about his nomination. Brendon clarifies in the diary room that Lane is a pawn and the real target is Ragan, but he put Lane up because Lane has never had to fight in this game so far. Reasonable enough, I suppose. Also: just because someone nominates you and doesn't go for your offer of an alliance doesn't make them a bad player. Ragan. Goodness, Ragan has me defending Brendon. Please make it stop.

Zingbot 3000
We finally have proof the producers of this show are on some serious drugs (I know, as if Evel Dick wasn't proof enough) when they unleash something called the "Zingbot 3000" on the house as a wake-up call. You see, it's a robot. And it insults people. ZING! Honestly, I sort of love him and his stupid costume and terrible robot voice. I think this show is giving me some sort of weird Stockholm Syndrome. Anywho, he's not a permanent fixture there to just make fun of the houseguests -- my preference -- but is only there to host the veto competition.

POV Competition
Lane, Ragan, Brendon, Enzo, Kathy and Hayden are selected to play. Ragan starts whining that he really needs to win the veto, or else all of the hard work he's put into his Saboteur duties will be for naught. You know, that hard work. Like sitting in the diary room and making anonymous lame announcements. You've done no work, Ragan. Go sell your sob story somewhere else.

The competition is a combination physical ability/puzzle challenge, with the first person completing their puzzle winning the veto. The catch? If you fall off the balance beam at any point, you are eliminated. Harsh! While they are computing, the Zingbot ZINGS! the players. Whoever wrote these jokes should be fired, because they are terrible. They should have gotten Britney to be the Zingbot, she would have ruled. Of course, Kathy is the first person eliminated by falling off of her beam. Ragan pretty much dominates the entire competition and wins the veto.

Replacing Ragan
Now that Ragan is safe, the work begins for he, Britney and Matt in trying to get Brendon to nominate who they want as his replacement: Kathy. Hayden and Enzo, for their part, are starting to realize what a threat Matt is to them and note that if he goes home their game is looking a lot better.

Pandora's Box

Brendon gets his chance at opening Pandora's Box this week. Thinking he may get a chance to see Rachel, he decides to open it...and when he does he still thinks he's headed off on a 24 hour vacation from the game to see her. Instead, he ends up alone for 24 hours and Rachel is let back into the house to torment the rest of the houseguests. AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Hilarious, all around!

Rachel's Return
For her first act as a visitor, Rachel decides to attack Ragan which is a huge tactical mistake. He comes back at her guns blazing, and is much quicker verbally than her so he pretty much owns her completely. Then...and then. And then, you guys. Then Rachel decides to ask Ragan if he's a big b**** "because he's gay." Cue house silence and the unanimous jaw-dropping of everyone in the room. Not cool, Rach. The rest of her time in the house seems to be spent yelling at Ragan and trying to get the better of him and failing miserably. It's almost not fun to watch after a certain point, because she gets destroyed so thoroughly. (No, I lied. It's still pretty fun.) For her final hurrah, she leaves Brendon a message in the HoH room to put Matt up in Ragan's place. Will he listen? Is that the stupidest question I've ever asked?

The Sabotuer
The Saboteur comes onscreen and announces a competition happening the next day that could change the course of the game, so they better get some sleep. He then proceeds to wake the entire house up every 15 minutes for the rest of the night, and then reveals at the end there was never actually a competition at all. Yawn.

POV Ceremony
At the ceremony, Ragan takes himself off the block and then throws it to Brendon to decide who to put up in his place. Just as Rachel instructed, he puts Matt on the block. This is actually the best thing that could have happened to us as viewers, because this most likely forces Matt to use his Diamond Power of Veto! Which might actually make tomorrow's live episode interesting! (This sucks for Britney, though, and for lovers of Britney's snark. Like me.)


Favorite quotes:
  • "When I saw Rachel walk through that door, I wanted to throw up all over myself." - Britney
  • "Do you have to be the biggest b**** because you're gay?" - Rachel, to Ragan (OH NO SHE DIDN'T!)
  • "Talking to you is like talking to the most evil devil-child in the world, and I'm done with it baby, because I'm done with you, because your game in this house is over." - Ragan, to Rachel

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Photo Credit: CBS
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