'Big Brother' recap: Glazed Over

big-brother-13-cast-premiere.jpgWe rejoin the HoH competition in progress, which requires four of the five remaining houseguests -- not including outgoing HoH Porsche -- to crawl through a giant pool of "donut glaze" to a table full of donuts, grab one at a time, then crawl back with them and spike them on a pole. The one with the most at the end of 13 minutes wins. The houseguests Diary-Room about how difficult and gross it is, and also about how motivated they all are to win. Flashback to Shelly's 2-1 eviction on Thursday, and Adam's reaction upon hearing the vote totals is to threaten Kalia in the DR about how he's coming after her for voting for his eviction. I'm sure she'd be terrified if Adam has the stones to say that to her face. Jordan DRs that Shelly would still be here if she hadn't turned on them. Which is probably true, unless she weren't for some other reason. Kalia says she was just trying to guess how Rachel and Jordan were going to vote and then voted that way. "Hopefully Adam doesn't hold a grudge." Well, on the one hand, that was a really bad guess, but on the other hand, from what we've seen of his performance in competitions, he can't seem to hold onto much of anything.

Back to the competition, with nine minutes left. People are slowing down with six minutes left. Then there are four minutes left. What a shame that we don't get to watch people spend thirteen real-time minutes crawling through what looks like a giant pond full of semen. Adam DRs, "I've never had so much trouble getting donuts in my life." We can tell. With two minutes left, Rachel is still in the lead, with Adam in a close second. Kalia is losing badly and therefore pulling for Adam to win, but in the end, Rachel wins by an obvious margin. Again. And gloats in the DR. Again. And Jordan is hoping that she and Rachel will be in the final two, to prove "we beat the odds." Those odds being six experienced players and the producers matched up against eight green morons who were mostly on the side of the experienced players. Those are some odds she was up against. Adam is disappointed in himself for losing, which is odd because that implies that he expected anything else. And obviously Kalia and Porsche are pretty bummed, because now they're screwed.

After everyone's de-glazed and back in the house, Rachel talks future moves with Jordan. They figure they need to split up Kalia and Porsche (which, not for nothing, puts Adam in the final four), and Rachel says she's not dealing with Kalia, so they'll need to work with Adam. Who's going to be in the final four. So clearly there's something to be said for going through the entire game as everyone's absolute last priority.


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