'Big Brother' recap: It Takes a Lot of Balls

big-brother-13-cast-premiere.jpgJulie looks like she was suddenly pulled away from repapering her bathroom as she welcomes us to the live double-eviction night. Live!

Can I not hear the term "Big Jeff" any more? It makes me feel fat.

Julie reminds us that Jeff nominated Porsche and Kalia this week, but then won the Veto and used it to undo his nomination of Porsche and put Daniele up in her place. Then Julie tells us that although the houseguests don't yet know it, two, count 'em, two players will be leaving tonight. So we're starting the hour with eight morons in the house and ending with six. The only way that could be better is if we ended with zero. Julie explains how the night will work, but we'll see it soon enough and this show is already plenty boring without spoilers.

Flashback to Jeff's Veto meeting, and then it's Day 52. Daniele narrates that she left the room to avoid saying something she'd regret, and Diary-Rooms that if she stays this week, it'll be "war." I thought she was going to say "a miracle." Rachel DRs about how the cocky, arrogant girl's gotta go, and she's not talking about herself. Porsche's glad to be off the block, but now she has to choose which of her friends to vote against. Like it's going to be her decision. Kalia talks about how sad she is that her best friend is leaving the house, because she's pretty sure of herself. Jeff DRs that he'll be shocked if Daniele stays, because it'll mean his alliance has flipped. "That is not good news for Big Jeff." There he goes again.

Daniele talks about the three votes she needs to stay. Obviously she's not going to get them from Jordan or Rachel. She's already certain of Porsche (even if Porsche isn't), so she needs to work on Adam and Shelly. Daniele is starting with Shelly, telling her that Jordan and Rachel are both a lock for the final two. Shelly hates Rachel so much she's willing to vote to keep Daniele, or at least say she is. Daniele offers in return to never nominate Shelly for the duration, and Shelly is starting to realize that she's never going to beat Jeff and Jordan, her two best friends, unless she screws them up their asses. But at least she feels bad about it.


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