'Californication': Don Juan de la Man Whore

Nataschamcelhone_californication_24If there's anything Californication proves, it's that all you need to save your relationship is to fool around outside your relationship. It's a veritable buffet of infidelity in the Hollywood Hills and the boulevards. Lest we forget that drugs are bad, mmmkay, but only if used for any reason other than to land a girl in the sack.

These Spoilers do not need huge tracts of land... they're fine just the way they are.

Previously... Marcy's off to her mother's, Hank meets Janie, Mia and Ashby hook up again and again and again...

What a life to wake up in a mansion and be hot. Such is the life of Hank Moody, as he wanders the halls of Ashby Manor, discovering day-after orgies and random chicks sleeping off hangovers, only to find Mia (not naked!) going all coffeehouse on Ashby. She might be hot, but her singing skills are meh at best. For once, Ashby and I are on the same page. Hank hates on her singing AND songwriting. The mismatched lovers suck face and she departs, but not before "saluting" Hank. Back to the pressing issue at hand: Ash wants to know how the Janie interview is going. Hank makes a point to beat a hasty retreat by saying he's on his way for a follow-up session.

Janie's in her pool and looking mighty fine in a bikini. Hank resumes asking the truly probing questions. As far as Janie goes, Ashby's songwriting sessions with the up-and-comers were more intimate than sex. She also misses our favorite record producer like she misses crabs from Robert Plant or Jesus. Best not to bring him up to her, eh Hank? Before the conversation can go any further, Janie's husband returns all boisterous, so she hides Hank in the pool house (tent?) Later on, Hank removes his shirt and calls Karen, letting her know he can't pick Becca up from school. Meanwhile, Hank relieves himself in the only available location... a sink, which leads to the maid catching him in the act, all while Hank catches her taking a toke break.

Charlie sees Marcy off in a cab to the airport. She's ready and willing to do whatever it takes to fix their marriage, even if it means shacking up with her troll of a mother. Sensing her sob story might be genuine, Charlie breaks down and offers to take her instead, but Marcy insists on being the big girl and takes the first step herself. Charlie promises not to have no fun whatsoever, with Daisy or otherwise.

Karen picks up Becca at school, much to the wee one's disappointment. Karen offers to give an approaching Mia a ride, but it seems she's already getting a lift from Ashby in quite the pimp limo.

Hank and the housekeeper pass the dutchie 'pon the left hand side. He tries mixing his charming English with conversational Spanish and fails horribly. She laughs and, in perfect English, enjoys his Spanglish. Mr. Jones arrives for a "performance review." He attempts to shove his tongue down her throat, but Hank stands up for her, insisting he go his own way.

Charlie and Daisy meet with the executive, who as it turns out, is the newest featured player on SNL not from Chris Elliott's loins. The exec is ready to make Daisy a breakout star with her studio and plaster her face anywhere and everywhere, but only if she upgrades her chest to stereotypical porn standards. Charlie initially is totally against the idea, but when he sees Daisy light up brighter than a Christmas tree, he relents on the condition the agency pays for it.

Back at the pool house, the maid waxes poetic about what might have been in her life. Hank continues his run of incredibly hot and ready women when she asks for his jeans. Just as it gets going, Karen conveniently calls and exclaims of her discovery of Mia and Ashby! Hank is quick to point out that it was Karen herself that once mentioned how Mia had to gain "valueable life experience" herself. Karen shoots right back by noting Hank and his current state of being stoned. She hangs up, leaving Hank and the maid to resume their afternoon delight.

Evanhandler_californication_240 After the meeting, Charlie and Daisy talk business at the restaurant. He wants her to reconsider the whole porn path. She wants to be a star and thinks this is the logical next step, while Charlie believes she can be a real star along lines of Julia Roberts and so on. Apparently there's no bigger turn-on than by telling a girl she can be whatever she wants to be... which leads to her laying a most passionate kiss on him.

Ashby Manor. Karen arrives and is so super-pissed at him. She can't believe Ashby would go down the jailbait road. He tries to justify it by saying only the littlest ones can actually stand being in the same room with him for longer than 10 minutes. Karen calls him pathetic, but when she tries to make a graceful exit, she trips and falls down the stairs. Ashby plays doctor and fixes her up, ensuring she take a hit of his weed as well. He wonders aloud if she would ever associate with anyone who ever got Mia in bed. Karen of course says no. Ashby is doing his best not to reveal what he knows. With her guard down, he perceives he has the green light and goes in for the kiss. She initially enjoys it, but ultimately blocks any further attempts.

Hank and the maid enter the house. He attempts to get her out of the house cleaning business once and for all when Mr. Jones appears once again, followed closely behind by Janie. Seems she knew her husband and the maid had a thing all along, but didn't know how much she should care about the whole thing. Hank asks if she'd be willing to finish answering his questions. Her answer is no... unless he asks her out on a date.

Back at Casa Runkle, Charlie and Daisy are making out ready for the next stage... except Charlie fears the quick problem with his fun parts will lessen any enthusiasm she has for him. Daisy feels for his problem, but tells him not to worry because she believes in him just as he does in her. She prepares to teach him better control methods that involve her getting topless and asking him to pinch when he senses trouble.

We later find whatever Daisy told Charlie, its working as he's king of his own mountain. Perhaps he's become too good, as she's quite sore. While wrapping it up, Marcy's mother calls looking for her wayward daughter. Don't you just hate when that happens?

Nataschamcelhone_davidduchovny_cali Hank brings sushi dinner over to Becca, only to find she's off to Damien's. Hank offers the sushi to Karen, but she's just leaving herself to see Sonja. Hank promises to take care of the Mia/Ashby issue, but Karen reveals that she's already fixed it, ending with the tidbit that Ashby is indeed quite the great kisser. Methinks Hank isn't all that happy having the tables turned on him.

Next time on Californication, Ashby and Karen go on a date to the Hollywood Bowl while Hank and Janie are art gazing. Charlie and his women... how does he do it?!

Why must Charlie insist on having a thing with every woman he deals with? For that matter, why is Hank finding it so hard keeping it in his pants? Will her little fling with Ashby be the catalyst that drives Karen to Hank once and for all?

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