'Dallas' recap: As the Stomach Turns

dallas.jpgNoooo! Tommy's the one who bit the bullet! The one young male who wasn't obsessed with Elena and now he's gone. Rebecca calls some mystery person and orders a body disposal service like it was pizza delivery.

Bobby makes a full and super speedy recovery from his aneurysm. Does he slow down or relax so that he doesn't get sick again? No, he gets right back to work proving J.R. stole Southfork. Meanwhile, John Ross is so happy about getting a fresh start that he goes ahead and rents a new office for Ewing Energies. He also proposes to Elena and presents her with an oil-colored diamond ring. She accepts even though she's still making eyes at Christopher. Christopher reacts to the news with a moment of sadness, even though he's just recommitted himself to Rebecca and started wearing his wedding ring again. They are awful people, even standing in a room full of con artists.

Things start to fall apart pretty quickly. Christopher, thinking that Tommy is a danger to Rebecca, finds the motel room he'd been renting. He gets there just in time to intercept a call from Tommy's real sister, who is also named Rebecca. What an odd coincidence. Christopher threatens to send (his) Rebecca to jail and take the twins from her when they're born. At the same time, Elena overhears a meeting between John Ross, J.R. and Bobby's lawyer. They've recovered videos from Veronica/Marta's cloud drive that detail every bit of the dirty deal. John Ross tries to explain and/or lie his way out of the situation, but Elena's done. Then she sends her mother to break up with him because she's too busy having sad-faced sex with Christopher.

John Ross and J.R. work out some kind of miracle deal where they get total immunity in exchange for handing over Vicente. John Ross hardens his heart and asks J.R. to teach him all the dirty business tactics he knows so that he can take Ewing Energies away from Christopher and Elena. How is that even still a thing now?

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