'Dancing With the Stars' Diary: Guyliner, flames and one very long fall from grace

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Zap2it's weekly "'Dancing with the Stars' Diary" offers fans a backstage pass to everybody's favorite only reality competition that throws celebrities at the mercy of that fickle mistress we call dance.

It's the first ever "Dancing With the Stars" rock week. Are you ready to rawk?

Too bad, because we're ready for a half hour's worth of clips from other seasons! (Really, America? 'Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)' is your all-time favorite 'DWTS' routine? Really?)

We digress. When they finally got down to business, it was well worth the wait -- even with Len Goodman's motivational limericks. The pasodoble is always a steamy crowd pleaser, and that's before you even add Queen covers and retired athletes rocking some serious eye makeup.

Oh, and there's that small matter of the dance marathon (spoiler alert: four minutes does not a marathon make). Our thoughts on that and other dancey matters, as well as details on the judges' verbal spankings and inside scoop from one former contestant all lay ahead. (Cue flames!)

We didn't see it coming

  • Did you catch that epic standing ovation for Kyle Massey and Lacey Schwimmer? The crowd went nuts for Kyle's serious turn, and the judges were pretty big fans as well. Even Len. We're not saying it wasn't deserved, but we'd sort of figured the recent harsh treatment for Kyle might have been the show's not-so-subtle way of pushing him out the door. He's still a contender. Hooray!
  • Rick Fox told Zap2it that he was really concerned about showing passion this week, and whoa did he. Was that actually choreographed motorboating? His and Cheryl Burke's tango flirted with the raunchy, but it still didn't do much for Carrie Ann, who said he lost his personality in the routine. Maybe we'll find it between Cheryl's boobs.

Audience vs. Judges

  • Woof. We'll admit that Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough's pasodoble was kind of a mess, but last time we checked, these contestants were all being judged on the same scale -- even "the chose one." The insane verbal lashing Grey received might be the lowest blow dealt since Bruno crucified Michael Bolton.
  • Audrina Patridge just can't win. The former "Hills"-er was in top form, looking like an 80's rock video vixen during her pasodoble -- and yet the judges still weren't behind her. Carrie Ann praised her for the improvement, but we're left wondering what more they want from her. She's already proven her commitment.
  • We said this two weeks ago, when he first came under the gun, but the writing might be on the wall with this 18. Kurt Warner is a sacrificial lamb to the rock week gods, and unless fans really turn out for the night's lowest scorer, he's probably going home.
  • As for the dance marathon, a few of the taps seemed fishier than others. Rick and Cheryl were in the middle of an awesome lift when they got the boot, and Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas always look their most charming in that '50s garb.
Backstage banter

  • We had the pleasure of chatting with Season 10 contestant Erin Andrews, who recently added "DWTS" blogger to her collection of hats, and she gave us her picks for the best of the night. "Brandy was obviously the leader tonight, but I think Jennifer was just as good," says Andrews. "She had that slip up, but if you're spinning that fast, keeping in mind her age too, she's amazing. She's incredible." Andrews even recalled her own go at the dance marathon, not so fondly: "It was so hard," she laughs. "I thought I was going to throw up."
  • Jennifer Grey would probably be happy to hear that. Because she is tired -- in more ways than one, we imagine. And after her harsh critique, the marathon seemed like an even more daunting task. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," Grey says "It was intense, it was a long time and it was full-on. I'm very tired. But do you know what makes me feel better? All these 20-something girls are feeling tired too. Everyone's tired."
  • Kyle Massey loved rock week, especially for the fire. "It was kind of like a battlefield meets a dance floor,"Massey says. "I felt like I was dancing in Pearl Harbor." Spin-off, please!

Ok, another one bites the dust tomorrow. Predictions? Our gut tells us Kurt, but our gut often fails us. Whoever they may be, at least Heart will be around to play them out. They can sing "Alone" -- not that it has anything to do with losing, it's just the best song ever.

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Photo credit: ABC
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