'Dancing with the Stars' premiere live blog: Who shines in Season 17?

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"Dancing with the Stars" Season 17 features some of the show's biggest celebrities ever. But can they dance? The season premiere will answer that question. From Valerie Harper to Bill Nye to Snooki, they're all taking the floor.

Follow along in this live blog.

First up in the new season:


Brant Daugherty and Peta Murgatroyd - cha-cha

Hard to say if this dance was good, what with the slow tempo and the fact that it's the first dance of all.

Len: "Sail along, that was fabulous!"
Bruno: "You lost time for a moment."
Carrie Ann: "I see a lot of potential."

Scores: 7+8+7 = 22


Leah Remini and Tony Dovolani - foxtrot

If you only look at the bottom half of Leah Remini's dress, you'll be impressed. Above that, there is a bra. As for the dancing, Leah looks kind of like she is mocking the entire proceeding. That's kind of cool for a sarcastic person like me. The judges may not agree.

Bruno: "She made Miley Cyrus for a moment!"
Carrie Ann: "You are sass and class."
Len: "It was a little bit careful in places ... but it was clean, it was precise."

Scores: 7+7+7 = 21

 
Corbin Bleu and Karina Smirnoff - contemporary

This seems an odd choice for a first dance. But it sort of suits Corbin better, so I suppose it makes sense. It's a pretty darn good dance too -- lots of lifting and such.

Carrie Ann: "It was great choreography, it just flowed."
Len: "I'm confused. This is week one, yeah?"
Bruno: "Strong, powerful, athletic -- and yet you have a wonderful, tender touch and expression."

Scores: 8+8+8 = 24


Jack Osbourne and Cheryl Burke - foxtrot

The dance begins with skipping. That's a plus. Jack looks kind of silly, but silly works for him. It's just cute.

Len: "Jack, I'm telling you what -- you can dance!"
Bruno: "Joyful, playful and uplifting -- you were skipping down the yellow brick road."
Carrie Ann: "You are all dancer!"

Scores: 8+8+7 = 23

 
Amber Riley and Derek Hough - cha-cha

So ... Um ... Amber Riley can dance! Like really well. She's fast and musical and charismatic and kind of amazing -- right in week 1!

Bruno: "You are the tigress of Season 17!"
Len: "I'm palpitating, perspirating and flatulating."
Carrie Ann: [frenetic bowing]

Scores: 9+9+9 = 27


Elizabeth Berkley and Val Chermkovskiy - contemporary

Elizabeth just mentioned that she danced a lot as a kid. Also, you know, "Showgirls." Whatever the experience, you can see it. This is yet another incredibly good contemporary dance. The competition is going to be fierce this season.

Carrie Ann: "This showcases you in such a beautiful way."
Len: "It was just lovely to watch."
Bruno: "She means business!"

Scores: 8+8+8 = 24

Val was a fan of "the other one" on "Saved by the Bell," by the way.


Bill Nye and Tyne Stecklen - cha-cha

Of course they're dancing to "Weird Science." Also, this is one of the sillier dances we've seen since Andy Dick was around. Only this is much more innocent than anything associated with that former contestant. Bill looked a bit tired, even at the beginning.

Len: "It was painful while it happened and lovely when it was over."
Bruno: "You had all the elements in there, but they were all backwards and forwards."
Carrie Ann: "You were alive!'

Scores: 5+4+5 = 14

Obviously, Len doesn't like science.


Keyshawn Johnson and Sharna Burgess - cha-cha

Keyshawn is a large man. He also seems adept at the touchdown-dance style. Hard to say if he gets the cha-cha -- the dance is a bit wooden. There's a cool lift/spin thing though.

Bruno: "The bigger you are, the harder it is to do a dance like this ... Sometimes you lost time."
Carrie Ann: "You are far from feminine!"
Len: "I think your attitude is terrific."

Scores: 6+5+6 = 17


Christina Milian and Mark Ballas - contemporary

There is a lot of smoke on the stage. It's very dramatic and stuff. The dance that occurs in the dramatic smoke is rather impressive -- and angry. This is yet another impressively good dancer for this season.

Carrie Ann: "I think you're better than you think you are ... I want you to open up more."
Len: "I think this dance really suited you."
Bruno: "Oh mama, so much drama!"

Scores: 7+7+8 = 22


Bill Engvall and Emma Slater - foxtrot

"I'd love to be the rednecks' dancing king. That would be awesome!"

Disclaimer on this dance: I always love the comedians. That said, Bill is surprisingly energetic and entertaining on the floor. He may even be getting the steps right!

Len: "It needed a little bit more fluidity."
Bruno: "I felt something. I don't know what it was. But I definitely felt it."
Carrie Ann: "You have good frame, you have good musicality, and your moves are slick and smooth."

Scores: 6+6+6 = 18


Valerie Harper and Tristan McManus - foxtrot

This isn't exactly a tough-looking dance, but Valerie does the steps she has with a lot of grace. And come on -- it's not like I'm going to say something bad about her here.

Bruno: "You were radiant and stylish."
Carrie Ann: "Thank you for being on the show."
Len: "There was an ease and an elegance to it. It wasn't forced."

Scores: 7+7+7 = 21

"It's good to be alive. It's even better to be dancing." - Valerie Harper


And now, in the biggest whiplash moment of the night, Snooki!

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and Sasha Farber - cha-cha

It might be fun to say that Snooki can't dance. But that would be a lie. She's actually a pretty good dancer. The style might have a little too much of the club in it, but otherwise it's all right. Strangely abrupt ending though.

Carrie Ann: "Your form was great ... You just went for it."
Len: "Like a little pocket rocket, it was fun! ... I loved your footwork."
Bruno: "I love the way you go for it. Your legs were so well-placed."

Scores: 8+8+7 = 23


So that's the first episode of "DWTS" Season 17. Which dancers were the best? The worst? The biggest surprises?

And who is going to go home next week?

Photo/Video credit: ABC
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