'Desperate Housewives' recap: I Poisoned Your Whine!

desperate-housewives-cast.jpgPaul's doctor at the ER tells him he's possibly dying of antifreeze poisoning, but since he's a doctor, there's simply no way to find out for sure, so Paul takes a casserole to some science lab somewhere to get them to check it out. Susan's suddenly begging her creepy old headmaster for that teaching job she lost back during her time as a pornographer; this is the entirety of her reasoning: "I deserve a second chance." Headcreepster guy sics Susan on the PTA, so you can start the clock on when she's gonna be forced to lay down the old dialysis card... Or, as it turns out, murder all of them.

Meanwhile, Felicia "Fingers" Tillman is like, "Susan, just keep feeding him all this poison and everything is going to be okay," and Susan just keeps turning her back so Felicia can put more poison in the food -- and Paul can stew in his illness and suspicion and the one million travails of being him, until hopefully he's gonna lose his s*** and finally just BTK her.

But then the two Susan storylines combine, because to earn the trust of the PTA she gives them all poisoned cookies, and she actually has to ditch Paul in the middle of him accusing her of poisoning him to go steal everybody's poisoned cookies. Nobody notices that she is being super spazzy and weird, because it is Susan being spazzy and weird... And then Paul brings some gay cops to arrest her for poisoning him, just as she's admitting to poisoning everybody else!



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