'Desperate Housewives' recap: Quiet Riot, Why So Quiet?

desperate-housewives-s7-teri-hatcher-320.jpgEx-cons start showing up and spitting on the sidewalks, so Lynette gets the girls together to organize a protest, including an infusion from a few streets over, Hydrangea Circle, who seem to be uniformly violent homosexuals looking for a fight and passing out matching baseball bats at every opportunity for mayhem. I'm still not sure I understand what Hydrangea Circle is all about, but I hope to God they are real.

There's a fakeout where Paul scuttles Mitzi away for the night and everybody thinks she sold her house to Paul, meaning that the actual swing property is Bob and Lee's house, which is two more untrustworthy homosexuals right there. Some redheaded child gives Lynette a big speech about kindness or something, and then Hydrangea Circle throws rotten vegetables at the Mayor and suddenly there is a half-hearted wuss of a riot. Which was apparently Paul's plan all along? Complicated real estate scheme leading to complicated renovations prior to opening a halfway house leading to [somehow we arrive at] a riot. A lame one! Between people we don't know, and some other people we don't know! I expected better from Paul.

You know who I don't expect better from? Susan Fucking Delfino, who spends the entire episode lecturing Tom and then Renee about how Tom's marriage is her business and she should decide what goes on in Tom's marriage, because the Scavos' marriage is apparently really more about Susan than you would think. Mike helps put this retarded idea in her head -- because, somehow, in Alaska sometimes you fuck snowmen, which I guess isn't really that different than the scarecrow he f**** in Fairview -- that Renee should move off Wisteria Lane, because that is also a thing that Susan is in charge of now. Anyway, Susan fully gets curbstomped on all her organs during the riot, and her lifeless body dries like paper on the hot pavement and flitters away into the disturbance and it turns out all she ever was, was bones. Bones and chicken skin.


SHARE IT ON: