'Glee' Season 5 premiere: Back with the Beatles in 'Love, Love, Love'
That's because "Glee" is celebrating everything Beatles with "Love, Love, Love" -- followed by "Tina in the Sky with Diamonds" a week later.
Don't want to miss any of the action? Follow along in this live blog!
The official explanation is that Will wants the kids to move forward after their recent win (in "Glee" time, they just won Regionals) and channel the Beatles for a couple of weeks. This is because everyone (except Kitty) loves the Beatles.
No, it's not exactly current. But it probably took this long to get the rights to all those songs. What am I bet that "Glee" focuses on folk music and off-copyright show tunes for the rest of the season after buying all the Beatles songs?
Rachel the singing waitress
So she didn't get the part in "Funny Girl." It's not a huge surprise at this point -- photos for the episode basically spoiled the whole thing. Anyway, she wants to make it on her own now and has turned to Santana for help with that.
Thus, we see Santana and Rachel both working at Broadway-adjacent restaurant under a man named Gunther. He kind of seems to be straight out of "Two Broke Girls." That's fairly appropriate.
Rachel is totally going to have drama about this, isn't she?
A slight twist in the marching band kiss
Kurt and Blaine are all flirty and considering a redo on their relationship. That's what happens when a former cheater insists, "I'll never cheat on you again!" right? Somehow, that doesn't feel believable as an exclamation.
But Blaine is cute, so we'll allow it.
Kurt allows it too. After a coy moment of "Relationships don't work" deception, Kurt breaks out a full marching band to accompany the boys as they sing "Got to Get You Back in My Life."
Sue's back. Yes, that happened.
Because "Glee" must totally negate any and all purpose to that school-shooting episode, it turns out that Becky went and confessed to the whole thing. Yes, even Sue's noble sacrifice now doesn't matter.
No one was shot. The gun was an accident made by someone who didn't know better. And Sue is back at McKinley. Aren't you glad that this universe has consequences?
Maybe it only has consequences for Principal Figgins. Once Sue has planted a rainbow-like array of pornography magazines in his office, along with a polygamous marriage certificate and a copy of "Mein Kampf" (autographed by the author), Figgins is done for.
The only logical choice to replace him? That would be Sue Sylvester. Things just work that way in Lima, OK?
"Jesus said it best: 'The ends justify the means.'" - Sue Sylvester
For some reason, lonely students Kitty and Artie wander the halls and then meet in an abandoned lab, singing "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away."
They're still doing secret romances at this point? Kitty's in the glee club -- she doesn't have to be embarrassed about dating the guy in the wheelchair.
Whatever. It's a pretty song.
More than just a song
Now that he's back together with Kurt, Blaine isn't going to waste any time: He's proposing.
Blaine gives a very impassioned and vaguely logical speech about show choirs and Russia to explain why a couple of teenagers getting married isn't just wonderful, it's going to change the world. I'm not sure he convinces anyone.
"I want this to be a cultural statement."
Still, Blaine turns all of this into a production number to the tune of "Help!" So we'll allow it.
Tina asks the same question I just asked
Tina wants to know why Artie and Kitty are keeping it a secret. We all want to know this!!!
Back in the diner ...
Rachel has to serve the people who didn't give her the part in "Funny Girl." She got turned down by the elastic guy from "The Fantastic Four"! That's cool.
(Yes, I know the actor has a name. And he has been in many other things. I'm just choosing to go with "Fantastic Four." You need to accept this and move on.)
Anyway, Rachel proves that she should have gotten the role by singing "A Hard Day's Night" along with the entire waitressing staff of the diner. They end up dancing on the lunch counter, which totally doesn't seem sanitary.
Then Rachel runs out of the place in the middle of her shift. Because ... Hopefully this will be explained after the commercial.
Let the paranoia begin!
Nene Leakes is back, and she's worried that her long list of crimes will get Sue Sylvester to fire her as Cheerios coach. Will is just worried because of his long history of conflict with Sue.
They don't need to be worried. They just need to win. Because it is whether you win or lose with Sue!
"You'll be forced to build creepy relationships with teenagers on your own time." - Sue
Klaine might be doomed, but Kirtie (Karttie?) will last forever
Apparently, Kitty had nothing but good intentions (kind of) when she wanted to keep liking Artie a secret. She wanted to be sure before jeopardizing her own social standing by dating the wheelchair-bound, bespectacled choir boy.
Yes, it's shallow. But it also makes sense. We'll allow it.
Tina is all bitter. She expresses this by being in a Bitter Club alone and eating small chocolate cakes. Blaine wants to help her out, not mentioning that he is a major reason for her bitterness (not his fault, but still).
While the next episode implies that further remedies will be necessary, the boys go with "Let's pretend we're the Beatles!"
It's hard to say if this will help Tina in the long-term. But at least she gets to gogo-dance to "I Saw Her Standing There." In black-and-white.
In related news, the boys do good enough Beatles impressions to fool my once Beatles-obsessed mother into thinking the Beatles were on TV.
Tina also gets to pick a boy to go to the upcoming dance with. As a friend, of course. She goes with Sam. He's free now, because Brittany went to MIT and officially no longer exists in this universe.
Sue continues to be mean
Ex-Principal Figgins just wants to scrape gum and keep his secretary's job. But Sue can't allow that. She dumps meat byproducts on her former boss.
In case you hadn't figured it out, we have Evil Sue in this episode. Good Sue isn't likely to return before the Finn tribute episode in two weeks.
Engagement? Execution? Is there a difference?
Kurt is getting a ride to his "surprise" engagement from his dad. He knows all about it. Maybe Blaine actually needs the big, epic proposal?
The boy is understandably concerned about the fact he's like 19 and supposed to be getting married. Fortunately, he has the best dad in the entire universe to talk him through the stress.
This becomes especially necessary when the proposal begins with (another) marching band and the combined might of multiple show choirs (plus a couple of alums -- that's where Rachel and Santana went, by the way).
There are also dancers. And the tune is "All You Need Is Love." And then paper hearts fall from the heavens.
Oh and this is the location where Blaine met Kurt. He gets all eloquent about this. Dude, the writers went all-out on this one, didn't they? One should not be touched by the beautiful proposal of a teenaged boy.
But oh, is it touching! We'll allow it.
Kurt allows it too. He says yes! Yay, teen romance! Again!