'Gossip Girl' recap: "Cubic Zirconium Does Not Touch This Body"

gossip-girl-season-5.jpgUnbeknownst to Lily, Rufus offers Ivy a do-over on their contretemps, but then Lily goes behind Ivy's back to screw her out of everything. Rufus actually notices, for once, goes into a Humphrey huff that's actually well-earned, and by episode's end Ivy is broke and homeless, Lily is back home in PRADA... And Rufus is still in Brooklyn.

Blair's resistant to sign her divorce papers -- her princesshood being one more thing to mourn, as she notes later -- but when Dan goes to Nate for advice, he learns that Chuck actually paid off Blair's dowry, and Georgina had nothing to do with it. Assuming her reticence is related, Dan accidentally tells Blair what Chuck has done, which puts a much different spin on her harsh words to him when he visits her about his mother storyline. In the end, there are apologies all around, but the real upshot is that Dan and Blair can finally go public.

Serena, having decided to anoint Lola the new It Girl with her Gossip Girl powers, suffers a surprising recoil when Lola uses their relationship to leverage herself Natewise against the returning Diana Payne. Confronted with the non-hypothetical possibility of losing the spotlight forever, Serena opts to tempt GG 1.0 by holding onto that laptop just a little while longer, the better to wage new war against her cousin and frenemy.

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