'Gossip Girl' recap: In Bed With Gale & Peeta

gossip-girl-season-5.jpgA ropy beginning, weird continuity stuff, some OOC plot massage and the most hideous clothing, but other than that, pretty great by the end of things. I know what you're thinking: What's up Louis's ass this week? Well, I'll tell you: Somebody leaked about the paternity test to Gossip Girl. He decides that the UES is one large conspiracy of bitches, which it is, and that this is why Blair is insane, which it is -- and Blair, amidst all her protestations, finally decides he's right when the Minions give her fake details about her wedding shower.

Seems Lily and Serena, in their infinite wisdom, decided a fun and safe thing to do would be to **** with Blair's head about the details. Yeah. The first thing to go is her fashion sense, as she takes her Bitches out shopping while dressed like a visiting dignitary from Grandma Dolltown.

Before hooking back up with Serena, Max comes by PRADA to blow Ivy's spot, but -- after a quick confab with Aunt Carol -- she spins a quick story about how "Ivy Dickens" is actually her porn name or something. Later, Max figures out that she was never Charlie Rhodes, but she instantly starts treating him like a blackmailer and he instantly starts acting like one in response.

Nate calls Eric and Jonathan with a great idea nobody's thought of before: How about instead of just hacking GG and then not doing anything with it, what if you hacked GG and then did something with it? Before you know it, there's access to every single email ever sent to the vile creature, and apparently a button you can push on every computer that makes these accessible on the Spectator site. Serena quickly talks Nate out of publishing them, and in turn he talks Diana out of it, but in the end it's Louis that publishes the emails, causing a massive meltdown at the shower.

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