'Gossip Girl' recap: Reader, She Married Him

gossip-girl-season-5.jpgI think this is the first dream of Serena's we've ever seen? Anyway, she's Marilyn, surrounded by dancing fellas -- Louis actually has a skill! -- before Audrey/Blair arrives to abscond with the only one she ever really wanted. Serena wears like five layers when she sleeps. Anyway, it's the morning of Blair's wedding and Serena couldn't be more supportive. Especially after a dream like that.

Meanwhile, many things are happening: Dan is somehow the Best Man all of a sudden. Georgina Sparks dresses up like the leader of Ozma's Army and brings her pet husband along to ruin the wedding. And at the Empire, Chuck reveals his plan was always to double-cross Father Cavalli with Montezuma's Revenge so he can't interrupt Blair's perfect day.

Oh, and Nate has become entranced with Lola Rhodes completely by coincidence, which makes total sense because she's Serena's trashier but nearly identical cousin and so probably I figure he was always going to be in love with her, and just got confused by Serena into thinking it was Serena he was after. You know, like how Taylor Lautner wants to **** that baby.

Once everybody gets to the church, somehow everybody decides that it's a horrible decision to go through with the wedding, independently of each other, and Eleanor fetches Chuck to stop it. Georgina secretly tapes Blair's admission of her love for him and somehow it is posted to Gossip Girl just as they're about to say their vows, so everybody takes five to regroup and Serena explains to Chuck about Blair's insane pact with God. (Serena's having one of her lucid days, and even explains to Dan that she's in love with him and acknowledges that he, in turn, is in love with Blair.) But not even Chuck joining the chorus of explaining to Blair why she is crazy can help, so they end up going through with the wedding -- complete with bride sweetly escorted by both Cyrus and Harold, and the horrified mothers standing by in agony.

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