'Gossip Girl' recap: The Dalgaard Wears Prada

gossip-girl-leighton-meester-blake-lively-s4-320.jpgYou get an internship at W Magazine where you learn that you are not the only Blair Waldorf-type person in Manhattan. One of the other Blair Waldorfs is your secret bestie Dan Humphrey, who got this job, like America Ferrara and Anne Hathaway before him, by actually wanting to work for an entirely different magazine.

War commences. You contact Lorrie Moore for a party, but Dan pulls Jay McInerney out of his a** yet again. He stoops to sabotage, while you stay loyal. It is a reversal of expectations.

Things end in a dance-floor tussle that has all the makings of future boning. In the end, Dan concedes that he is a prick-face, and you get to keep your job.

Or you learn that your business foe has hired the father of your live-in BFF, who is also living with you, so you approach your foe's autistic daughter and ask her to get him fired.

She breaks up with you and hires a male Asian prostitute for her needs, but later forgives you, with tongue. The Captain moves out of your house. Not sure where.

Or you find out that your old patsy Damien Dalgaard is now dealing drugs, and dick, to your little brother. You worry about this as much as possible, but are distracted by the come-and-go attentions of your ex-con former crush, who is being paid off by your mother yet again to leave town. To farm, organically.

After he spurns your affections for the fifth confusing time you get your stepmother Rufus Humphrey to give him the loft in DUMBO, even though your brother already lives there. Even though he is in love with you and says he is not in love with you, he gets all jailhouse rock on Damien Dalgaard and it is sexy, and then Damien Dalgaard calls your little brother up again. For some revenge. For a blowjob and some revenge. So now DUMBO is sexier than ever, and Damien Dalgaard is still putting it to your brother, possibly, or never was. That part was confusing for everybody.

But also hot as hell.

Either way, you realize that Damien Dalgaard is the most realistic thing that has ever happened on this show.

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