'Hell's Kitchen' recap: Now That's a Crappy Meatball!

gordon-ramsay-hells-kitchen.jpgRobyn has just been eliminated so we get a little happy Caribbean kettledrum music going on while Dana tells us that it's normally depressing to walk out of the elimination ceremony (even though you survived?) but this time everyone was excited because Robyn was the one eliminated.

The next morning, Ramsay cooks up a little comfort food for them: chicken parmesan. We watch him go through all the steps, while the genius contestants tell us that Ramsay has something up his sleeve. Can't put anything past this crew! They've figured out that when their jackets are on and the cameras are rolling, then they're part of a cooking game show! And sure enough, Ramsay says it's time for Hell's Kitchen Cooking School, and they're going to be teaching others to make the dish (and here's hoping Clemenza can keep from telling his student that his own chicken parm makes Ramsay's taste like ****, as he does here).

Dana is excited, because she's a chef instructor who teaches people how to cook. And then in come the students: Kamie Crawford, 18, Miss Teen USA 2010. Despite the fact she's clearly since been supplanted, she's still wearing the sash proclaiming that "accomplishment." Or is it like being President, in that you keep the title for life? Everywhere you go, people refer to you as Miss Teen USA until the day you die? Oh, I see, it's a bunch of Miss Teen USA. Here's 2008, Stevi Perry, 21; 2007, Hilary Cruzy, 22 (WHO ARE YOU DOUBLE-HAND WAVING TO); Teen USA 2006, Katie Blair, 23; and 2005, Allie Laforce, 22. Justin makes horndog comments while also making sure he's not talking about actually having sex with him, like it's even an option for him.

The Miss Teen USAs stand across from the chefs, who are not allowed to touch any ingredients (or the Miss Teen USAs). Some basic lessons have to be imparted, like how to chop an onion, and how they're tongs, not thongs. Barbie, paired up with Hilary, fall far behind, because Hilary is the one who has never chopped an onion before. Hilary can't believe there isn't a machine to do that. There is, Hilary. It's called a KNIFE.

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