'House': Better than dinner and a show at Medieval Times

cynthia-watros-robert-sean-leonard-housse.jpgI've learned a lot from "House" over the years: If you're a genius you can do whatever you want, the cure can be worse than the disease, and it's never lupus, for example. This episode taught me that poison hemlock looks a lot like like wild carrot, which could definitely come in handy if I'm ever stranded in the woods.

The episode doesn't really approach the quality of the one preceding it, but it has some solid scenes and clever lines, and let's face it: That's a tough act to follow.

Patient of the Week: Sir William, a Renaissance festival knight, collapses after winning a swordfight in a tournament. William takes the whole chivalry thing pretty seriously, even refusing to share his feelings with the woman he loves, the queen, because she's engaged to his friend, the king. Thirteen, seeing how the queen won't leave his bedside, thinks he should go for it, but I'd at least wait until the bright red eyes get back to normal. They're just kinda freaky. I'd also note that you don't have to be a super-honorable knight not to want to declare your love for your friend's future wife. Just sayin'. The bro code extends beyond the Knights of the Round Table.    

House is certain William's afflicted with an environmental problem, but as MRSA, clostridium, poison ivy, trichinosis, and lead poisoning are ruled out, the team is increasingly convinced that House's judgment is compromised by the amount of pain he's in now that he's off Vicodin. In a pretty random red herring, Chase and Thirteen find a spooky pagan lair hidden at our knight's apartment. Chase: "What's this?" Thirteen: "Either a secret entrance to Hogwarts, or our knight is a witch." Ha! AND there's a copy of the Necronomicon, which I'm going to take as an "Evil Dead" reference (though I know it's originally H.P. Lovecraft).

At the end of the day, of course, House is right on the money: Accidental hemlock ingestion set off a dangerous reaction to the steroids our honorable knight has been taking to help him on the tournament circuit. A knight who juices? What is the world coming to? Still, not so embarrassing that you should risk death rather than admit it, buddy. 

Thirteen again tries to convince William to tell the queen how he feels, but in a supposed act of chivalry he'd rather she be happy with his rich, successful friend. I'd tell him to give her a little credit, but to be honest, the whole steroid thing doesn't reflect too well on him. ...Even though she's engaged to a guy who makes his knights eat cow eyeballs. Blech.

Wilson's soulless harpy: Wilson's still seeing Sam, his first wife (aka the "soulless harpy" Wilson was married to before he and House met). Cuddy advises House to stay out of it -- if Sam forces Wilson to choose, House may not like the result! But House just caaaan't resist bringing a transvestite prostitute to dinner with Sam and Wilson after they invite him. To be fair, no one wants to be a third wheel.

Pretending to make nice with a home-cooked gourmet dinner, House calls Sam a "cold-hearted b***h who ripped [Wilson's] heart out" as soon as Wilson leaves the two of them alone, assuring her that there's no way he'll let her do that kind of damage again. It's almost sweet, honestly. He tells Thirteen that they need to watch out for Wilson because his knight-like traits (honor, chivalry) make him a target, but that makes House a little bit chivalrous, too, right?

He and Sam agree to mutual hatred outside of Wilson's watchful gaze, and House orders up a full report on her from Lucas. But she comes back to visit, calling House an ass and saying she made mistakes, but promising she cares about Wilson and asking him to give them a chance to find out where it's all headed. And wouldja look at that? He throws out the file and pops some more of those unsatisfying OTC painkillers. What a romantic. And hey, way to be more honorable than the knight in terms of avoiding performance-enhancing drugs! 

Quotes:

  • Sam: "You're naked." House: "And for the record, a little bit cold."
  • Thirteen [as House approaches the office with a sword]: "I had a dream like this once. It didn't end well."
  • Cuddy: "You'd be surprised how many things Wilson doesn't tell you." House: "Would I? Like how you slept with your father's best friend, or..." Cuddy: "I'm gonna kill him." Woooooah. Really?
  • Taub [discussing his fighting experience]: "I took on three guys in college once." House: "Hope they bought you dinner first." Boy, yeah, that was a quote in need of a "that's what she said" if ever there was one.
  • Wilson: "Sam...wants to get to know you better." House: "Damn! I never should've let her see me naked."

What do you think about Wilson dating his ex-wife? How did this episode compare to the last one? Has anyone ever actually been to a Renaissance festival where every last person there was in costume?

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Photo credit: FOX

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