'Jersey Shore': Punch-drunk love
The Punch aftermath
The scene was nuts. Snooki is on the floor sobbing, holding her face. In seconds, there's a mob of guys on top of Brad Ferro, the New York gym teacher who punched Snooki. Then, the police arrive to arrest him.
Meanwhile, Snooki's guido roommates are beside themselves with anger. They don't know what to do and they just seem to pace outside of the bar wishing they had something to fist pump. Well, all of them but one, Mike (more on that later).
Inside, the girls are tending to Snooki. She's worried that she has lost some teeth, but Vinny comes in and assures her that she hasn't. After getting checked out by the medic, Snooki arrives home and goes straight to her room. Ronnie joins her and he assures her that the house (now) loves her.
Later, Snooki finds out that Ferro has been released on bail and she doesn't feel safe. To get her mind off of it, the girls take her out for a guidette treat: tanning. Meanwhile, the guys decided to make her a huge "Surf and Turf " dinner.
The house vs. The Situation
While the guys were freaking out over Snooki getting punched, Mike was trying to hook up with some trash bag. The guys can't believe that he was thinking about girls at a time like that. I love that they call what he's doing "creepin'." I don't care what people say about the language used in "Jersey Shore," but I can't think of a better description for what Mike was doing.
Later, the rest of the roomies decide it's Mike's fault Snooki got punched. She thought she was defending her roomies' drinks from Ferro stealing them. Turns out, Mike was buying Ferro shots, but Snooki didn't know. Obviously (at least to the roomies), it's totally Mike's fault. Creepin'!
Later while the guys are cooking the big meal, Mike complains that the girls aren't helping out. I believe I remember one of the guidos saying in a previous episode that that's what women are supposed to do: Cook. Ugh. After eating, Mike decides he isn't going to clean up after himself, since he feels the girls should do it. He and Sammi get into an argument over it, because she refuses to clean up after him. Ronnie plays the peacemaker and steps in to clean up Mike's mess, but he's not happy about it. Creepin'!
Ronnie and Sammi
Things are heating up for Ronnie and Sammi. He decides to introduce her to his family. In all the action of Snooki's assault, though, Ronnie forgot his family was arriving the next morning. After waking up late, Ronnie tries to entertain them, while Sammi takes forever to get dressed. Not the greatest first impression, Sammi! After all that time, she shows up wearing a t-shirt and cut-off jean shorts. Hmm, I think it's all about the hair for guidettes, because her hair looked good. I can't say much for the rest of the look, though. Hello, it's his parents!
J-WOWW gets into a girlfight
While out at a bar, some girls are heckling Jenni and Snooki. When one of them calls Snooki fat, Jenni WOWWs-out and throws her drink on one of the hecklers. Suddenly, she's punching the girl as a crowd tries to pull them apart. Later, Snooki described Jenni's assault on the girl as "pummeling her like a monkey." That sounds about right. Even Sammi got into it. She later proudly tells Jenni, "I yanked some b****'s hair for you." Aw, now that's friendship.
The trash bag report
Mike spends an entire day calling up about a half dozen girls to come over to the house. It turns out that the only ones who do aren't trash bags at all. Mike actually likes one of them, but it turns out she has heard about him. It seems Mike and Pauly D have developed a reputation at "The Shore" for being male trash bags. How could that be? Mike doesn't give up and makes a lunch date with her for the next day. When the date rolls around, though, she's nowhere to be found. He leaves several messages for her, but she never picks up. Stood up! Mike, you should stick to trash bags.
On another night, Pauly D actually books a gig at a local nightclub and the house goes to support him. While there, Vinny ends up hooking up with some girl he refers to as a cougar. She didn't look much older than him, but what do I know about what age a cougar is in guido terms? Let's just say she's older than Vinny, but nowhere close to Demi Moore. Turns out, though, that Vinny's new cougar trash bag is also dating Danny, the cast's boss and landlord. Oops.
Next week: Will Vinny get evicted? Mike's sister visits and she looks like him with a wig on. Plus, more fights are heading Snooki and Ronnie's way.
Quotable quotes from "The Shore":
"I think what happened to Snookers brought us closer to Snookers, definitely, 'cuz now we kinda feel bad. She's a real person." - Pauly D (on his revelations on Snooki's humanity after the punch)
"I'm a vet tech. I save animals. I don't kill them." - Snooki (after refusing to drop a lobster into boiling water)
"I tried to eat, but I couldn't get it in my frickin' mouth, 'cuz I'm disabled." - Snooki (on her injuries after the punch)
"There are some girls who are respectful, who you have to actually treat like girls, uh, human beings." - Vinny (on how you treat nice girls vs. trash bags)
"I would send her a picture of my [bleep] and a pack of bubble gum and say, 'chew on this.'" - Ronnie (after Jenni's boyfriend sent her flowers even after she told him that she cheated on him)
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Photo Credit: MTV