Steve Carell buys a store, Lindsay Lohan wants Scarlett Johansson's you-know-what, Anne Hathaway wants to be First Babysitter!

Welcome to the Friday edition of the Dish Rag's Dirty Laundry. We scour the Web for the best dirt. So you don't have to.

Joan Rivers makes fun of Heidi Klum's Kwanzaa tree Globes dress and Jennifer Lopez's junk in the trunk. Oh, put a sock in it, Joan. You are so an '80s fashion flashback.

Who was in the room for George W. Bush's farewell speech? And who wasn't? And where was Barack Obama?
Does_lindsaylohanlovescarlettjohass Lindsay Lohan says she envies Scarlett Johansson's ... career. What? Oh, you thought Lindsay Lohan was coveting something else.

Dirty minds!

Steve Carell is planning ahead. Just in case this acting thing doesn't work out (and you just never know in this biz), Carell just bought the local general store in Marshfield Hills, the Massachusetts town where he lives part of the year. The store is 155 years old, and sold Union army uniforms during the Civil War. And Dwight Schrute would love it.

Will Robert Redford take the rumored gig as secretary of arts and culture in Obama's cabinet? Probably not.

But Redford told an audience at Sundance that he's very happy that "The Gang Who Couldn't Shoot Straight" is out of the White House.

Aren't we all, aren't we all ...

Anne Hathaway wants to babysit for Obama's daughters? No, girls. You can't stay up for "The Jon Stewart Show" or "Gossip Girl." You know what your father said!

Divorced Madonna and Guy Ritchie are getting along better than ever?

Sure, easy after that historically huge settlement. I bet he's being really nice to her now.

Photo: While Steve Carell invests in antique Americana retail, Scarlett Johansson's career is making Lindsay Lohan crazy with jealousy. And you thought it was her lips ... Credit: WireImage

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