'Melrose Place' finale: Coup d'hot

melrose-place-finale-320.jpgIt appears we've reached the end of the line, and this episode knows it. They throw in the kitchen sink and move at a brisk pace tonight, beginning with David's surprisingly quick opening of a new club after he just purchased Coal. At such an attention-grabbing stunt, of course you're bound to get the wrong kind of attention.

Morgan is still actively stalking David, and she's getting quite good at doing it in front of Lauren, whom David is beginning to warm up to again. David can't just shrug Morgan off anymore, because she has now told her father all about him. Daddy makes it clear that if David hurts Morgan, dad will hurt David. That's not such a big deal, but when David tries to reconcile with Lauren, Morgan jumps in and tries to claim David right in front of Lauren. He's not having that. David admits everything about stealing from Morgan's family and having to sleep with her and declares his love for Lauren, leaving Morgan smoldering. She tells her dad the whole truth this time, which leads him to threaten David -- and when David refuses to yield, he also threatens to hurt Lauren. What does Dangerous Dad want? He wants David to do some burglarizing for him. The cat burglar cycle never ends with this guy.

There's another ill-fated attempt at reconciliation. Two in one episode! Jonah and Riley go to a college reunion together after Jonah goes back to her apartment to gather up the last of his things, symbolizing the ultimate end of their relationship. They get to reminiscing, and the whole episode it's just a big "Guh, shut up, you two. Nobody cares about the times you shared together." Their special past together is reinforced by former classmates who can't believe they are no longer together. It all culminates in the two of them sharing a nostalgic kiss when they get back home. Jonah wants to get back together, but Riley has moved on. She ends up being the one with the guts to say it's really over. Jonah has to sulk back to Ella, but he at least musters more spine than usual and admits what he did. Ella leaves him. Riley goes through the same confessional with Drew, but his reaction is a bit different. He takes the opportunity to suggest Riley leave him since he hasn't got long to live. What? He has one of Dr. Mancini's poisonous heart valves in him. Oh, I get it; he's so full of life because he's dying. That's what this ridiculous character has been all about. Way to keep that one close to the chest, guys.

Now for the story we all thought we would be getting when Amanda Woodward returned: Ella versus Amanda. We start with Amanda's anticipated firing of Ella, complete with a slap after Ella calls Amanda a desperate and washed-up b**ch. Hell yeah! Ella goes in search of Jonah at Riley's to lick her wounds and instead finds Sydney's painting. She recognizes it and realizes she has the proper weapon of mass blackmail now. She goes to Amanda and makes some demands in exchange for the painting. First, she wants her name cleared of the embezzling charges, and she wants her own firm financed with Amanda's money. They reach an agreement, but Amanda reneges on it after getting her hands on the painting and selling it. There was some fine print in their contract, which stated Amanda could terminate the agreement at her discretion. Ella anticipates this and has some photos she snapped of Amanda trafficking the painting. She has the FBI come and arrest Amanda and assumes Amanda's role as head of (Formerly W)PK. Ella: 1, Amanda: 0. Amanda vows revenge, but we all know this show is over.

Photo credit: The CW


SHARE IT ON: