'New Girl' recap: How did the 'First Date' between Jess and Nick go?
Too bad that those two crazy kids didn't ever figure out if they were on a date or not. Should the episode even count as a "First Date"? We discuss that important question in this recap.
A phone charger really does bring the roommates closer together
Apparently, the residents of the loft have decided that they must share a single phone charger. Winston ( Lamorne Morris) needs this charger. After much wrestling and other childish behavior, Schmidt ( Max Greenfield) chases Winston away in search of charger justice.
This leaves Jess ( Zooey Deschanel) and Nick ( Jake Johnson) alone together. We learn several things from this increasingly awkward moment:
1. Both Jess and Nick have their own secret chargers and just like messing with their roommates.
2. Nick is an upper-boob man.
3. Whatever the relationship actually is between Jess and Nick, neither of them have figured it out.
Even the help of Cece ( Hannah Simone) and Nick's random old Asian man (otherwise known as the best character in the history of television), the two remain perplexed.
A date! A date?
Nick manages to use the wise non-words of his friend to realize that he needs to ask Jess out on a date. It's unfortunate that Nick is literally the worst person on the planet when it comes to date-asking skills. He does manage to invite Jess to dinner, but strangely his thumbs-up isn't enough to tell her this is a formal date.
Nick is the glue
It takes Schmidt and Winston a fair amount of time to realize that Nick's big date with "Yolanda Winston" is actually with Jess. They're not okay with this. Sure, they dress and shave the guy to get ready, but neither man can face the idea of Nick leaving them.
That's because Nick is the glue that holds the apartment together.
Because this is Schmidt and Winston, they decide that the best way to keep Nick and the loft's relationships intact is to hire the local homeless guy, Outside Dave (guest star Steve Agee), to interrupt the affair.
The downside of this is that they now have the rather crazy and bare leg-loving Outside Dave inside. The upside of this is that the trauma makes Schmidt and Winston realize that they love each other as friends and don't need Nick to keep them together.
A date, not a date, a date, not a date, a date...
First thing you need to know about Jess and Nick's first date: Don't jaywalk. The ticket is expensive.
Second thing: Both Jess and Nick are still kind of smitten with ex-boyfriend Russell ( Dermot Mulroney).
Third thing: If you go to the really nice restaurants, they sometimes let you give up a table and then take it back again.
Jess, naturally, begins the date not knowing that this is a date. When she figures it out, things get super awkward. The awkwardness convinces both roommates that they probably should scrap the whole idea and get drunk at the bar.
Drunkenness then convinces them that they should try the date thing again.
Then Russell makes a comment, making the two doubt the dating again. Russell's challenge that they both define their own relationship brings in even more doubt. There's so much doubt, in fact, that Jess and Nick decide to follow middle school-dance rules and stay apart. Except for Nick touching Jess' upper boob.
Later on, back at the loft, Jess tries to open a jar. Nick gargles his beer. Both are smitten, but neither can move forward with anything at this time.
Maybe next week?
What did they write???
Should Nick and Jess have taken that step backwards? They did so based on the theory that they had different ideas about where their relationship was heading.
But they never found out! Russell left without saying what was on the cards, leaving the kids and the audience to believe that they were completely incompatible.
What if they did write the same things? What if Nick and Jess really are perfect? Will they find out? How will they find out? What's going to happen next?
We will have to wait for yet another week before learning the next chapter in the Jess-Nick story.
Funny things they said
"So many dude butts." -- Jess
"You can't outrun the Jewish!" -- Schmidt
"What should we do?" -- Jess
"Definitely not make out..." -- Nick
"Your hand's on my boob." -- Jess
"Yeah. And it's weird." -- Nick
"I would describe that as the Pledge of Allegiance. Which can be sexual." -- Cece
"The sexual tension has been off the charts. It's like the Wild West! No laws. Whiskey for a nickel. Whores caked in mud." -- Nick to Tran
"There's a lot of women who sleep with you and I can't figure out why. I guess it might have something to do with clothes." -- Nick to Schmidt
"Yes! That is how you wrap a son of a b***h in wool!" -- Schmidt
"Her name is obviously Yolanda. Her last name is Winston." -- Nick on date's name
"What an establishment. It's my favorite in the city." -- Nick
"It's hanging out in my suit, eating champagne with my friend." -- Nick
"Or we could break into a zoo. Steal a bear. Then we shoot that bear full of Hep-C. And then we release that bear in the restaurant right when they're going to order dessert." -- Winston
"Winston, you're terrible at pranks. Don't you think a bear in a restaurant is enough?" -- Schmidt
"The only man we both love." -- Nick to Jess on Russell
"If a happening happens and you don't know that it happens, did it happen?" -- Jess
"Drinking to forget? That's my sweet spot." -- Nick
"You keep buying the drinks, I'll put out no matter what you say." -- Nick
"You two are... really something." -- Russell
"This may come as a shock, but I have no opinion about you two." -- Russell
"You had two pens on you this whole time?" -- Nick to Russell
"This is so much better than the gutter!" -- Outside Dave
"I will poison every pie on every window sill!" -- Schmidt
"They've got a great squish to them." -- Nick on Jess' boobs
"I have to go to sleep." -- Jess
"I'll walk you." -- Nick