'One Tree Hill': Alex commits suicide
Clay has taken Dan's advice and is totally suited up and, having lost all of his other clients, is ready to confirm he is still the agent for some phenom college quarterback in Arkansas. When he gets to Arkansas, though, he learns the agency called and convinced the kid to dump Clay just like they did. OK, I just now realized this story is totally ripped off from Jerry Maguire. Clay needs his Rod Tidwell! Oh, wait. Nathan is totally his Rod Tidwell. Does this make Quinn Rene Zellweger?
Nathan gets an offer to play professional basketball... in Barcelona. It seems all of the NBA teams have full rosters and are capped out, so the agency urges him to take the offer and come back to the NBA next season. I smell a "Clay saves the day" storyline coming a mile away. Meanwhile, Haley's single is blowing up online and Miranda the pithy Englishwoman tells her she has to go out on tour supporting the new album starting next week. This poses quite the problem for Haley considering her husband is about to move overseas. Luckily Nathan decides to be awesome and devise a way to make Haley's tour an adventure for she and Jamie to have while he is playing in Spain so they can both live their dreams. Aw.
Brooke is still upset about her infertility diagnosis. Despite being a very sympathetic boyfriend overall, Julian does pretty much the dumbest thing ever and confides in Alex about Brooke's situation. Really, Julian? Really? Alex is hilarious about the whole thing, hugging Julian and telling him "you would have been the best father," like he is destined to be childless forever. Hee. Of course, Alex goes straight to Brooke and lets her know Julian told her everything. Brooke retaliates by spilling to Alex in return that the only reason her script didn't get sold was because the studio wouldn't buy it with her attached. Julian then tells Alex he doesn't love her, or even like her very much. Oh, burn! Brooke then tells Julian she needs some time apart from him. This whole drama with Alex is totally manufactured and trite, but I don't blame Brooke for wanting some space. Julian did some dumb, dumb things. For her part, Alex decides since Julian doesn't love her she doesn't want to live and leaves Julian a really manipulative voice mail message right before slitting her wrists! Is this our first honest-to-goodness suicide attempt on "OTH?" I do believe it is.
Millie gets bailed out by a furious Victoria and then comes home to a heartfelt plea from Mouth to go back to the Millie he used to be. Alex also tries to help by flushing Millie's coke down the toilet, but instead of seeing the light Millie only lashes out in anger. Victoria warns her not to "let Brooke down" since she's the new face of the line, but you know she totally will. She's on the drugs! She has no choice!
- Let's discuss the ridiculous road sign Clay came across (on a two-lane road) that had an arrow pointing to Raleigh/Tree Hill one way and Memphis/Atlanta the other way. Because all small towns have signs leading the way to big cities (and other small towns) hundreds of miles away. And, also? Memphis and Atlanta are nowhere near each other. There is no highway that connects the two that I am aware of. What kind of crazy road was Clay ON, anyway?
- I am choosing to ignore Skills having Jamie and the gang recreate White Men Can't Jump because it was highly stupid. Wait -- I can't ignore it. If he's using this as his audition tape, why would he recreate something someone else choreographed? Isn't the point to show how he can create exciting and original sports choreography himself?
- I hate Brooke's mystery infertility disease. I guess it is a similar disease to Soap Opera Babyitis.
- Moment of the night: Jimmy's mother showing up and slapping Dan right across the face! Loved it!
- "Now if you're quite finished with your star turn in The Slutshank Redemption I think we'll be on our way." - Victoria, to Millie
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Photo credit: The CW