'Real Housewives D.C.': Ranked by glasses of whine

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Wow. Things are finally heating up on "The Real Housewives of D.C." That's relative by the way, because compared to New York, New Jersey or Atlanta, D.C. is more like steaming than boiling.

In Thursday's (August 26) episode, jealousy abounds as Mary Amons thinks that Michaele Salahi is stealing her thunder with her close friend (Mary doesn't have a best friend, she says), hair stylist Ted Gibson. By the way, he's the one who gave Kate Gosselin that mess of a weave. Ted's gossipy partner creates some smack talking when he tells the housewives that the Salahis invited them to the Congressional Black Caucus dinner and they ended up having to sneak in. Then life got nuts when the Salahis invited the housewives to their compound winery to stomp grapes surrounded by actors security.

These women take their social rules very seriously. It doesn't mean they follow them, but they do lie about following them. That is, until they're confronted... And then they just whine about propriety and fib about talking about one another. It's such a newbie mistake for them to forget that cameras capture everything, so you might as well be honest.

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Unlike at the Salahi grape stomping, there's plenty of sour grapes to go around here. So, we decided to rank the women by how many glasses of whine they stomped out.

5 glasses, Cat: We're convinced she has a mixture of mild Tourette's and extreme British snobbery. We understand your opinions are beyond reproach, but must you be so rude and close-minded when you express them?

4 glasses, Mary: There's a certain level of annoyance we have at a person who lies through their teeth. We've witnessed her talk smack several times and her continual claim that she only builds people up and she has never said anything bad about anyone is the same reason Miss Philippines lost the Miss Universe pageant when she said she had no regrets in her life. Perfect people aren't likeable people.

3 glasses, Michaele: We're not sure if the best way to confront the people who are gossiping about you is to trap them in the wine cellar then pummel them with your accusations. It was neither effective, since the main culprit, Lynda, wasn't even there or hospitable for a host to pull. As far as we were concerned, Mary and Stacie were nice enough to stay after Cat left. They didn't deserve to feel even more uncomfortable.

2 glasses, Lynda: We give her credit for turning down Michaele's invitation to the winery, because she'd rather not hang with someone she doesn't like. On the flip side, she's Michaele's biggest detractor. So, she gets a pass this time, but in any other episode she would have stomped out way more glasses of whine.

1 glass, Stacie: We like Stacie. She's straightforward, not afraid to show her feelings and she comes off likeable. We'd give her 0 glasses, though we don't want to set her up for failure. See our comments above about perfect people.

Do you agree with our rankings? What would you change?

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Photo credit: Bravo

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