'Supernatural' recap: Time After Time

supernatural-jensen-ackles-jared-padalecki-02-320.jpgWe find Our Intrepid Heroes just chilling out, surfing the Internet for Japanicrap porn, when Sheriff Jody calls from the lush coastal rainforests of southeastern South Dakota with news that several residents of Canton, Ohio, have been found mummified as of late, and would the dear boys care to investigate? But of course, kind lady sheriff! And so, Sam and Dean hop into whatever trashed-out piece of junk they're driving this week to motor on over to Stark County, where they quickly discover the following: Strange clusters of mysterious mummifications have plagued Canton at various points in the city's history for at least the last ninety years, and an odd young man in a black fedora seems to have been present for all of them. Thanks to a bit of good old-fashioned detective work and a tremendous amount of luck, the boys learn that the odd young man went by the name of "Ethan Snyder" back in the day, and wouldn't you know it? The guy's still living in the same house he'd apparently been occupying since the turn of the last century.

Naturally, Our Intrepid Heroes track this Ethan person to the scene of his next kill, but just as Dean flies at the fiend with murder on his mind, a sudden whack of extremely bright demonic mojo sends both Dean and Ethan hurtling back to the Canton of 1944, because Ethan Snyder is really Chronos, The God Of Time. Ooops! Once in the past, Dean quickly finds himself arrested for whipping out his trusty pearl-handled automatic in the middle of a crowded sidewalk, and he ends up meeting Eliot Ness, who in this version of history is actually yet another hunter of supernatural beasties, which probably explains The Cleveland Torso Murders, which also probably would have been a far more entertaining bit of history to exploit for this evening's entertainment.

In any event, Dean and Ness join forces to rid the planet of Chronos once and for all while Sam and Sheriff Jody frantically search for a way to drag Dean back to the present. Fortunately, Sam stumbles across a spell that compels Chronos to appear before whomever recites it and, after a bit of mischievous time trickery ripped straight from this particular Dennis Quaid masterpiece, Sam and the sheriff manage to suck both Dean and The God Of Time back into 2012, whereupon Our Intrepid Heroes proceed to dispatch Chronos with a pointy stick. However, right before he dies, The God Of Time rather ominously promises Sam and Dean that their future will be "covered in thick black ooze," but when you think about it, hasn't this show been coated with a slick layer of bitterly black demonic goo ever since it premiered in 2005? Shut up, Jason Dohring.

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