'Survivor: One World' premiere: It's all in the wrist

survivor-one-world-women.JPG"Survivor" is back and this time, it's a battle of the sexes held on one beach. And there are no alums showing up or Redemption Island, which is kind of refreshing. Those twists were fine, but we're ready for a straight season.

Introductions

We join the group as Jeff soars overhead in a helicopter. On the paddy wagon bringing them into camp, it appears we have a guy who just escaped tennis camp and possibly the dad from "American Chopper" (seriously, did you see that 'stache?). There is a little person there and I think I shall just have to refer to him as Tyrion Lannister.

As they start to introduce themselves, it turns out "American Chopper" is "Tarzan" and the guy from the tennis club is excited about all the good-looking men. But there's some other grizzled guy who is "Troyzan." Are these guys for real?

Colton (the tennis club) is dismayed to find out it's girls vs. guys. The guys are Manono and the women are Salani. They have 60 seconds to pillage the paddy wagon. Michael very smartly watches the women's stack and then starts stealing from it. Not very nice, but very smart. The women, very stupidly, did not even notice.

The Camp

The trek to camp is "hundreds of miles," according to Tarzan. Meanwhile, Kourtney (who is the odd ball) is not comfortable being on a tribe of all women. We hope she makes an effort. You have to try to make friends or you're done, especially early on.

Except Alicia has decided the alliance of five is going to be herself, Chelsea, Sabrina, Kim and Kat. Hmm.

Everyone arrives at their beach and are pretty flabbergasted to be sharing a beach. I would be too, that's a pretty fundamental change in "Survivor." I'm actually pretty excited to see how this changes strategy, and I'm a little surprised the producers hadn't thought of this before.

They immediately start working together to catch some chickens. Chelsea the country girl catches two, wow. The guys are under the impression they are entitled to one of the chickens since they made a deal to split them up, but I'm kind of with Chelsea - if you'd help catch them, maybe we'd have a deal. Plus, she's right in pointing out that if Ken Doll (whatever his name is, tall blonde guy) had caught both chickens - she doesn't know he'd have forked one of them over to the women.

Chelsea wants to bargain, which I think is fair. They stole from the women, so now it's fair to bargain. Matt the attorney wants a chicken as "an apology." An apology for what? Cry me a river, Ken Doll.

Colton immediately starts bonding with the women. Sabrina dubs him "Country Club Colton" - hello, we share a brain. Meanwhile, Matt lounges against a tree with his legs all a-splay and talks about how Colton is going to have trouble fitting in with the manly men. Um, maybe not - if you'd just include him. He clearly feels like an outsider, so maybe try to forge a bond with him?

The Frat Boy alliance starts strutting around with no shirts - Matt, Mike, Jay and Bill. One of them comments that everyone else is screwed - um, can they count with all those muscles? There are nine men. Four does not a majority make.

Colton rather smartly starts begging the women for any help finding a Hidden Idol because he needs it and he seems to be clearly ready to side with the women when the time comes. It might not be a bad play to get him an Idol.

The men get a fire going by rubbing bamboo sticks and using dry coconut husks, it's pretty slick. Sabrina tries to make a deal of some fire for a chicken, but Matt puts the kibosh on that. Then Alicia is super-gross and an embarrassment to all women everywhere by saying, "If Monica takes her pants off, can we have [an ember]?" So, not only is she prostituting, but she's not even prostituting herself. Alicia the pimp, I guess.

But then! In the middle of the night, Monica and Christina sneak over and steal fire. Oh, that was awesome. That was some ninja stuff right there. Well done, ladies. But unfortunately, they don't keep the fire going and need to get it the next day anyway. Bummer.

Christina tries to make a deal for fronds in exchange for fire and Alicia doesn't like her getting so cozy with the men. Of course she doesn't. We're 30 minutes in and I'm ready for Alicia to go home, her and her gross booty shorts.

Then Sabrina, on her way back from taking a bath, finds the Hidden Idol! But it's the Manono tribe Idol and she has to give it away before the next Tribal. Oh my gosh, that's an interesting twist. And um, give it to Colton. Duh. He's already with you anyway and he's clearly a huge target on his tribe.

Immunity Challenge


It's an obstacle course. First tribe to get everybody through, on the mat and raise the flag wins. Very straightforward. The reward is flint, in addition to Immunity. Interestingly, it's done in stages. Your whole tribe has to be on a mat before you can move on.

Medical is called in for Kourtney, who landed hard on her wrist in the jumping portion. She seems pretty shocky and the medic thinks she's actually broken her wrist. Yikes. She is taken off for an x-ray.

Jeff then announces that the challenge is "nine people start, nine people finish," so the men can take the victory right now if they want. Um, that seems kind of weird. Shouldn't it just be remove one man of their choosing and continue on? I don't see that as fair at all. Other challenges have continued when someone had to leave for a medical reason. That's crap.

Anyway, the men also have the option of continuing the challenge, but they decide to take Immunity on the spot and the women immediately start poking at them for not finishing the challenge. The men don't buy that the women would continue on if the situations were reversed.

I'm with the men on this one - that's the smart play, just in case. Jeff advised them not to do something early on that no one will forgive, but I think if the women hold this against them, they are being ridiculous and petty. Troyzan's right in that if the situations were reversed, there's no way the women don't take the victory. No way. The women are just mad and are disguising it as disgust that the men wouldn't "man up" and finish.

Chelsea talking-heads that the men showed they don't give a crap about the women. Well, duh. You're two tribes at this point, lady. You think it would be different if the tribes were co-ed? I doubt it.

Pre-Tribal

There is not a lot of suspense, since even if Kourtney's wrist is not broken, she's injured, plus she hasn't really bonded with anyone. Clearly she is going home. Kim talking-heads that she grew up in Texas, "where men are chivalrous," and that no one she knows would've not continued on with the challenge. I call so much BS on that. First off, this isn't about chivalry. This is a game. She very obviously is one of those ninnies who will get to the final Tribal Council and complain about how "mean" the Top 3 were or whatever. Secondly, "no one"? You know no one who would've made the smart game play? Guess the men in Texas are "chivalrous" and also "stupid."

Also, what do westerns have to do with anything? There's a Clint Eastwood movie where he's raping a woman in a barn and then she starts to enjoy it, so clearly we should pattern our behavior after westerns.

Meanwhile, Sabrina talks to Colton, who appears to be the swing vote on his tribe. Is he still a "swing vote" if the Frat Boy alliance is targeting him? Anyway, Sabrina gives him the Idol and then tells him he needs to get one of the Frat Boys out. Unfortunately, we can't watch that this week.

The women pow-wow about Tribal and Sabrina says that even if Kourtney is back in the game, she probably needs to go because she's still injured. For real. I like Courtney, but you gotta win challenges.

Except stupid Alicia seems to think she needs to get athletic Christina out because Christina is too friendly with the men. *headsmack* That is so not the tactic to take at this point in the game.

Tribal Council

Jeff wants to dish with the ladies before he tells them what's going on with Kourtney. Jeff asks them about fire and it turns into Alicia attacking Christina about the "shady deal" she made with the men. Alicia's a loud mouth. Christina only snaps at her because she's being attacked and Alicia won't let her speak.

The Kourtney update is that her wrist is broken in a few places and will require surgery, so she's out of the game. Wow, what a bummer for her. That means there's no vote.

Next week: The women can't seem to get it together. Sigh.


Photo/Video credit: CBS
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