'Survivor: Philippines': Cookies? Angie is Cheryl from 'Miss Congeniality'

survivor-philippines-russell-angie.jpgThe premiere saw crazy Zane come out of the gates ready to play. Unfortunately, he played himself right out of "Survivor." Whoops. Who will go home tonight?

Matsing

Angie and Malcolm are cozying up because it's cold. Hmm. Malcolm is worried about getting "booty blind." Heh. And Roxy worries he is falling into a literal booby trap. Double heh. But she knows that needs to be put down before it gets a head of steam going.

She recruits Russell to her way of thinking and they obviously need Malcolm at this point for physical challenges, so Angie has a huge target on her back at this point. When Denise is brought in on it, she is worried about her alliance with Malcolm, but she should be rejoicing at this news. If they happen to lose, Denise has to be worried she'd be targeted as the older woman, plus getting Angie out of the way solidifies her alliance with Malcolm. Don't be dumb, Denise -- don't tell him and get Angie out of there, if you lose.

As it continues to rain and rain, Roxy starts to have a break down. Oh, suck it up, lady. The people that get on this show and crumble after like five days drive me crazy. Are you that weak? Plus, now Denise and Russell are talking about how weak she might be as a tribemate. Yep.

Tandang

RC finds the Hidden Idol clue in the rice bag, so now all tribes have found the clue. She decides to tell Abi about it. But that's not enough for Abi -- she's totally jealous of RC and Mike having a relationship (not a "relationship," but a good working relationship in the game) and she kind of goes cuckoo for cocoa puffs about it. Yikes. She's got the crazy I'll-stab-you-in-your-sleep eyes going on.

Meanwhile, Lisa is struggling. She's miserable with the cold and rain, she's not being social, and going off on her own makes everybody suspicious of her getting the Idol. RC and Abi are definitely gunning for her. Oh, Lisa. You say you're a fan of this game! C'mon, you know better than that.

She cries about being all alone and she doesn't mention it, but this probably also has a lot to do with the fact that she got divorced less than two weeks before she came out on "Survivor."

Kalabaw

Jeff Kent is struggling because of his bum knee, and Jonathan is frustrated because he can't search the shelter for the Idol. Everyone finally goes to a cave for shelter from the rain and Jonathan starts tearing the camp apart. He gets caught and has to start wearing his glasses to cover up his lie about losing a contact lens.

He finally figures the clue out -- it's the wooden doodad on top of the rice bucket, which he pries off the bucket and hides. Hope nobody notices it's gone. That's a great "hiding" spot, producers. I hope somebody notices and gets suspicious.

The Challenge

It's collecting puzzle pieces on a sled, then a giant puzzle with one person acting as a caller. Tandang and Kalabaw have to sit someone out, so they sit out Abi and Dawson.

In the discussion at Matsing about who has to run twice, both Angie and Roxy kind of punk out about it, with Roxy saying she's "been drinking less water." Yes, that seems smart. Maybe God will just rehydrated you if you pray hard enough.

Going into the puzzle, everybody's exhausted from the giant heavy sled and Matsing is third. Tandang and Kalabaw get their first puzzle done, but Matsing is not that far behind. And on the second puzzle, Kalabaw falls from first to third.

On the third puzzle, it seems very close and then Tandang wins (along with a tarp and blankets). And for second place, Kalabaw pulls it out just ahead of Matsing. Russell slams his puzzle piece down in anger. Hmm. So is it Angie or Roxy going home? At this point, money's on Roxy. She's just not a gamer.

Pre Tribal

Russell is pretty disgusted with the two young girls who are not ready to give their all in any way. You'd think Roxy would be a bigger target because she seems to have given up, but Russell needs Roxy to keep him informed. Huh.

Roxy definitely seems to have more of a fire under her now, but how much of that is because she knows she's one of two possible vote-outs? She had like a meltdown on day five, which is terrible.

Malcolm talking-heads that he knows he shouldn't be snuggling with Angie, but, you know, look at those cans. Those aren't his exact words, of course -- those exact words would have actually been hilarious.

If Denise knows what's good for her, she should go along with voting out Angie because Malcolm will never be more loyal to Denise than to his giantly-racked cuddle bunny.

Tribal Council

When Jeff asks the tribe members what they would change about the tribe, Roxy says they shouldn't work as hard around camp (to preserve their energy), whcih is not a ridiculous answer. Denise makes a better point that they need to work hard to try to feed themselves, not just lie about and store up energy they aren't getting from food. Both are decent points to make.

What is NOT a decent point to make is Miss Utah saying she'd change the tribe so that they'd have cookies. Oh my god, she's Cheryl! She's, "I'd have to say April 25th. Because it's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket." Seriously, lady -- what are you thinking?!

Her man tries to say he agrees with her by spinning it to "we need food," but Probst won't let him get away with that. Probst is like, "... really?! REALLY?!" 

Roxy then calls out Angie and Malcolm and Malcolm says they have "mutual warmth." Now that's a great euphemism. Gonna have to start peppering that into conversations. Malcolm then continues burying himself by saying Angie's like "a little sister" to him -- uh, most siblings do not cuddle like that. Not past the age of like four. And also, the camera guys have caught you checking out her rack, which is also not something you should do to your little sister. As Roxy says, "Creepy" and then drops her "booby trap" line and Angie bristles at that. Um, let's be adults, Miss Utah. You're dumb, but you're not that dumb.

Roxy's actually pretty awesome when she's not being a crybaby about how hard everything is. If she can get past that, she might be a fun competitor.

The Vote

We only see Roxy and Angie vote for each other, of course. The votes go Roxy, Angie, Roxy and Roxy. Wow. Did not see that coming, thought Angie was dunzo. Don't think Denise and Russell thought that all the way through, honestly. In challenges, they're kind of six of one, half a dozen of the other. But Angie's kind of dangerous with Malcolm. Hmph. Guess we'll see.

Next week: Michael's bleeding, must be Wednesday. Seriously, maybe we should all be impressed that the first time around ALL he did was fall in the fire.

Photo/Video credit: CBS
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