'Survivor: Philippines': Excuse City, population Angie and Russell

matsing-survivor-philippines.jpgCan Matsing pull it together on "Survivor: Philippines"? After she was kicked off, Roxy wasn't sure they could do it.

Tandang

Abi doesn't really trust RC so much anymore, plus she's whining about her bum knee, so she wants to just lie around on the beach all day. Plus, she's snapping at RC like a total lunatic and then goes to Peter and tells him about the Hidden Idol clue without asking RC first. She wants them to look for it without RC. Wow, way to just completely throw away your alliance.

And Peter decides he needs to take charge and approaches Lisa about blindsiding Mike if need be, who just goes along with it. Hmm. She does know she could get Mike and Artis her own alliance and go against Peter, RC and Abi, right?

Kalabaw

Dana and Jeff realize the raised emblem on the top of the rice box is gone and they talk to Carter and Dawson about it, so everybody figures out it was the Idol and Jonathan has it. But when they first start wondering aloud where the emblem went, Jonathan is right there. Good luck blindsiding him, he's going to be on high alert.

Matsing


These goobers lose their raft, it's out bobbing in the middle of the ocean. But anyway, Denise and Malcolm are still tight and know if they lose, it'll be the two of them who decides who goes home.

Immunity Challenge

The challenge is diving down for puzzle pieces, wheels with letters on them, then putting the wheels on a pole and figuring out the letters spell "treasure." Kalabaw and Tandang sit out Katie and Dawson and Abi and Lisa, respectively.

When they start, interestingly nobody goes down for the deepest wheel first. That's what I would do -- you want to get the hardest ones while you're the freshest, it seems to me. And right off the bat, Angie gets Matsing in last place because her giant boobs apparently are keeping her too buoyant.

On his first dive, Mike loses their diving mask. It shatters right in his face, apparently, and he gets cut on the cheek. Geez, dude. Meanwhile, Denise makes up some huge ground for Matsing after Angie and Russell both kind of sucked, but it may not be enough.

Russell's second time out he doesn't get a wheel, which costs them a ton of time. Man, for a guy who LOOKS like he's in good shape, he really isn't. Also, like I said, they should have started from the bottom.

Kalabaw is first to the puzzle, followed pretty closely by Tandang. Denise and Malcolm are doing what they can for Matsing, but it's not enough. Way to go, Russell and Angie. Your team was almost there, even in the face of how much time you two wasted. Good lord.

Angie talking-heads that Russell is the weak link. That's debatable, because she only went for the piece that was two feet deep and then said she couldn't go for any more pieces. They both are pretty terrible.

At least in strength challenges, Russell can pull his weight. Angie has got to go. She's totally worthless.

Pre Tribal

Jonathan knows Jeff is suspicious, so he flat-out tells him he has the Idol. That's probably a smart play, actually. Meanwhile, over at Tandang, Abi and Peter are on a hot search for the Idol and Abi actually finds it. Man, it's hard to believe she did that without help. She seems like such a moron.

At Matsing, Malcolm can't believe what a group of goons he's with, other than Denise, who is a rock star. They can't believe how worthless their teammates are, but like in last week's challenge, at least Russell was strong hauling that sled thing. Angie has yet to proven jack squat.

Angie wanders up to Malcolm and Denise and insists she never said, "I can't do it" during the challenge, but a review of the tape reveals she absolutely did say that. Right after Malcolm gets back with piece no. 4, Denise asks her if she can go again and she goes, "I can't do it."

On the beach, sad Malcolm is sad as the plinky plunky strains of "I suck at swimming" play. Seriously, that was weak sauce, Russell.

Speaking of weak sauce, Angie is telling Malcolm that she "would've went" again (grammar police alerted), but Denise just went for it because she's fast. Angie's like, "I would have done it, but I wanted us to be fast." Ughhh, she is gross and possibly delusional.

Now, strategy-wise, Malcolm should keep Angie. They are already going to be down in numbers at the merge, so it would behoove Malcolm to have someone in his pocket. Russell isn't in his pocket and Angie is, she can't think for herself at all.

And then Malcolm starts waxing poetic about people persevering in the face of Jim Crow laws and how he needs to respect them and persevere too, or some such nonsense. (Not that those people are nonsense, but Malcolm is being ridiculous and melodramatic right now.)

Tribal Council


Malcolm says that people struggled at the challenge and names names. Angie again trots out her "I would've gone again" (this time using proper grammar). And Russell argues he didn't quit, but that he knew it was fruitless to keep wasting time and he needed to pass the baton to a better swimmer. Oh, these two with their excuses.

Russell calls her out on her "revisionist history" and she starts crying. Oh, suck it up, little girl. Blech. "I don't ever cry." Uh huh.

Malcolm tries to defend her, saying she's had to do things the other young girls on the other tribes haven't had to do. Oh, boo hoo. This is "Survivor" and casting beauty queens who can't hack it? This is what you get.

The votes go Angie, Russell, Angie and Angie. Hmm. I thought for sure Malcolm would keep his pet, but I think this is the smarter decision, honestly. Who knows who could sway her after a merge? She's like a golden retriever, a shiny object would totally pull her away from her Matsing alliance.

Next week: Can Matsing finally not suck?

Photo/Video credit: CBS
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