'Survivor: South Pacific': Nice to meat you

jim-cochran-survivor-south-pacific.jpgTonight on "Survivor: South Pacific," we have one of those disgusting (and by "disgusting," we mean "awesome") challenges where the contestants have to gnaw on a pig carcass and spit what they can onto a scale. Excellent.

Post-Tribal

Stacey and Christine bond at Redemption Island. Stacey is pretty mad about being voted off and she should be - she was NOT the weakest person on that tribe. She is completely ready to jump ship should she get to go back into the game.

Meanwhile, Brandon is hurt because everybody hates that he's a Hantz. I'm with him on this one - he's a weird little dude, but it's terrible to hate someone because of who their uncle is. That's silly.

Redemption Island

Albert/Mikayla go for Upolu, Dawn/Whitney go for Savaii. Christine and Stacey spill some beans about their dysfunctional tribe. They also keep calling Coach by his real name, "Benjamin." Heh. Albert mis-uses the expression "sour grapes," which is a pet peeve of mine. Stacey complaining about her tribe is not "sour grapes." Sour grapes is like "I didn't want it anyway, they're probably sour." She's not saying she didn't want to stay anyway - she did want to stay. She's just mad at her tribe for evicting her.

The challenge is an iron track where the women have to keep putting more balls in and catching them at the bottom. If you drop one, you're out. It's all about timing, spacing and concentration.

Albert snots that Stacey is stupid for just putting her ball in at the start of the 10 seconds. Maybe she was ready. Her spacing looks OK. Maybe Albert just has sour grapes.

Stacey drops a ball first, but it doesn't look like it's due to them being too close together. Whatever. She's very gracious in her exit and proud of herself. Mikayla snots to Albert not to say good-bye to Stacey, as Dawn tells her "good job." Seriously, those little snots can get bent. What jerks. Are you 12?

Upolu

Albert and Mikayla report back to the tribe about Stacey calling them all liars. Coach calls it "disgusting." You know what's disgusting? Her almost winning the challenge for you and you guys voting her out. Also, Coach says he's going to go nuts if anybody calls him Benjamin. Dude, you are a grown man. Just please stop. I liked you so much at first this season, but you are going south fast.

I just now noticed Albert's job is written as "baseball/dating coach." Um, what? Anyway, he finds a clue for the Idol and brings Sophie and Coach in on the search. Coach prays about it and then finds it. To his credit, he does tell Albert and Sophie.

Savaii

Elyse and Ozzy continue to be lazy snuggle bunnies, while Cochran is trying to work his little butt off so people will want to keep him. When Dawn and Whitney get back, they dish on Upolu and what Stacey said. Jim sees an opportunity to use that to make his tribe scared of it becoming the Ozzy show and vote out Elyse. That is smart.

Keith, Ozzy and Cochran go fishing and Ozzy catches like a million fish. It's a seriously impressive haul. Cochran, though, is not that impressed with him, saying he's no longer "Mowgli-esque" and pretty lazy.

Nice to Meat You

I love this challenge. I would not like to participate in it, but I love to watch it happen. The camera from inside the basket is particularly lovely. I think my strategy would be to gnaw slowly for bigger pieces instead of taking a lot of little ones.

When they weigh, Savaii is at 22 lbs 12 oz. Upolu comes in at 22 lbs 14 oz. WOW. That is nuts. Upolo gets a bunch of veggies and spices in addition to the meat they spit into their basket.

Pre-Tribal

At Upolu, we get to watch Coach talk with his mouth full for awhile. At Savaii, Cochran starts saying they're all going to have oral herpes. Eww. Stop being weird, dude. That is not the way to endear them to you.

He is hard at work trying to see valuable, while Ozzy is confident everyone is voting Cochran out. But Dawn, Cochran and Jim are not on board. They need Keith to flip and vote Elyse out and it takes about five seconds to get Keith to agree.

But then Keith says they should tell Ozzy. Um, what?! Don't be stupid! You can't tell him! You just do it and you apologize to him later.

What Keith does do is tell Whitney and she's not sure what to do. She thinks maybe they let Cochran/Jim/Dawn vote Elyse, Elyse/Ozzy vote Cochran and Keith/Whitney just vote somebody else, so Elyse still leaves and there's no blood on their hands for their alliance with Ozzy. Oooh, that's smart, actually. But I don't think either Whitney or Keith have the nerve to actually do it.

Tribal Council

Injuries from the challenge - cuts to mouth and lips, Dawn and Ozzy chipped teeth. Yikes. The talk then turns into how weird and socially awkward Cochran is. Aww. Don't be mean, Probst. He sweetly thinks that people do take to him. Elyse very nicely says he loves and knows the game ... but then ends that with he'll appreciate the experience of going to Redemption Island. Ouch.

We see Jim vote for Elyse and Ozzy vote for Coch-Train, which - that needs to not happen again, please. The votes go Cochran, Elyse, Cochran, Elyse, Dawn (innnteresting), Dawn and then .... Elyse. Wow. Great vote.

I'm so impressed at Keith and Whitney's handling of that vote. I didn't think they'd actually do it. I stand corrected.

Next week: Ozzy is mad and pouting over Elyse's ouster.
Photo/Video credit: CBS
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