'Teen Mom' reunion recap: Catelynn's wedding, Maci's breakup, Farrah's ugly cry and Amber's MIA
To start, though, host/psychoanalyst Dr. Drew Pinsky reads an RSVP from Amber Portwood, who regrets that she can't attend the shindig due to a "probation violation" -- aka a five-year prison sentence.
A special guest is subbing for Amber next week, though: Jabba the Hutt!
First up tonight are Catelynn and fiancé Tyler Baltierra, who announce that they have set a wedding date and plan to marry before they graduate college.
So will the parents of the bride -- and groom -- be in attendance?
Well, Butch is still in jail, but Tyler admits he never sent his emotional letter, cutting ties with his father.
"I don't know, it's weird," he tells Drew. "I can't give up on the guy." What about mom April, now "173 days sober" after Butch violently assaulted her?
Turns out April is reluctant to break up with her mullet man, prompting Drew to crash the couch for a personal intervention.
He's going to do it again," warns Drew in his cringe-worthy personal-space invasion. "You need to act like a mom."
But given April's history of "choosing her boyfriends over her children," Catelynn and Tyler are managing their expectations.
The young couple attribute much of the success of their own relationship to placing their child for adoption.
"Which ['Teen Mom'] couples are together?" Catelynn asks. "None. Just me and Tyler. It is too stressful at that young of an age to raise a child when you are a child yourself."
Case in point: Farrah, whose own romantic woes are the first topic of discussion when the single mom joins Dr. Drew.
So what really happened when ex-boyfriend Daniel ditched her in Texas?
"He was just sitting across the room staring at me, with an unpleasant look on his face," Farrah explains about their last night together, a dinner party with friends, when Daniel told her to "take a taxi" and leave. Ouch!
Farrah says she pressed some "buttons" with Daniel, whom she calls "Little Boy Broke," when she realized he was more interested in her fame than a committed relationship:
"That's why I try to date older [guys who are] not as likely to watch 'Teen Mom.'"
Dr. Drew also asks why Farrah calls her father " Michael" instead of "dad."
"It's hard to call your parents mom and dad when you've lost respect for them," she answers -- which doesn't explain why that logic only applies to one parent.
"If I were to call my mom 'Debra' she'd have a really hard time with it," Farrah says, "[but] pretty much everyone in my family bullies Michael into [submission]."
What is wrong with this family?
Quite a lot, actually. Farrah still resents her parents -- now divorced but still seeing each other -- for their combative marriage and distracted parenting. Still, she and Debra seem to have finally made peace.
"I'm very proud of you and I love you and I'm sorry," Debra tells her daughter with very little prompting.
In the end, Dr. Drew deftly averts several potential ugly cries by effusively praising "Farrah the person."
"It's nice to see you becoming an adult," he tells FTP warmly.
Next week: Maci opens up about her breakup with Kyle! Plus, how Amber Portwood "ruined the life" of a legendary "Star Wars" alien.