'The Bachelor': Rozlyn is scandal girl. Shocker.

rozlyn-bachelor-320.jpgTonight on "The Bachelor," Rozlyn is "revealed" as the scandalous bachelorette.

After host Chris Harrison gives the girls a run-down on how the dates work, it is revealed that the first Group Date consists of Ashleigh, Christina, Corrie, Gia, Rozlyn and Valishia.

Group Date
Jake takes the aforementioned ladies to an In Style photoshoot. Rozlyn and Gia immediately start sharpening their model claws on each other, as Rozlyn comments that she's a bridal model while Gian is a lingerie model. Gag me, Roz. Gia corrects her by saying she's a swimsuit model. I want to grab them by their long hair and clunk their heads together like coconuts.

christina.jpgRozlyn also somehow manages to flash her coochie during the shoot. Yay for underwear! Christina is being all insecure and nervous, which is just as annoying as the cattiness of Gia and Rozlyn. Christina was also the girl in the premiere who was obsessed with the other girls flaunting their ta-tas. The other girls three girls are just trying to have a good time.

Afterwards they have cocktails and Gia gets some alone time but is quickly interrupted by Ashleigh in a TEENY bikini, demanding that Jake go for a swim with her. Christina can't take all the cattiness and bikini-ness, so she gets a little drunk, much to Jake's consternation.

Rozlyn gets alone time with Jake and starts making out with him, which earns her the rose. Of course it does. C'mon Jake. Don't fall for her stuff. I didn't even like Rozlyn before we knew she was Scandal Girl.

Back at the Bunny Ranch, a diamond necklace arrives and all the girls go bonkers. They find out the next morning it's for Ali to wear on her one-on-one date.

ali.jpgAli's Date
Jake takes Ali flying, which is pretty incredible since she's afraid of it. Also, they finally actually play "On the Wings of Love." DRINK! Once they land in Palm Springs, they drive off in a roadster (totally awesome) to a romantic dinner (complete with a pretty woo-woo smooch) and then a concert by Chicago. They kick up "Saturday in the Park," which is my FAVORITE Chicago song! Oooh! I'd be so nutso on that date. Ali love sit and they dance and kiss. It really seems like an excellent date.

Group Date II
Bunny Ranch. The women find out that the second Group Date will be for Ashley, Elizabeth, Jessie, Kathryn, and Vienna. That leaves out Ella, Michelle and Tenley. This prompts Michelle to once again say she "has so much love to give." Anybody else picture her screaming, "If I can't have you, nobody can!" while stabbing Jake in his sleep? Just me?

Anyway, the Group Date II is a day at a closed amusement park. Closed to the public. Not like a creepy silent amusement park. I'm so jealous, I love roller coasters and Six Flags usually has great ones, only surpassed by Cedar Point in Sandusky, OH.

Ashley gets her crazy on with "Jake IS my man, he just doesn't know it yet." Speaking of crazy, Michelle is packing her bags back at the house. I suppose it's better than taking a razor to your wrists in the bathtub. Tenley and Rozlyn try to convince her to stay. I think that's Rozlyn. She looks weird without makeup.

vienna.jpgElizabeth takes some alone time by the carnival games and Vienna says Elizabeth is sneaky. Who finds Vienna attractive? I do not understand this. She's a total butterface with kind-of scraggly bleached hair. Blech. I'm not a fan. Elizabeth then gives Jake a note she wrote about him where she asks him not to kiss her until he knows he's going to ONLY kiss her. It's a bold move. That's cool as hell, Elizabeth.

Vienna takes her alone time and confesses that in high school she was engaged to her Pastor's son. She called it off at the age of 17 and then a month later he was already with a new wife and having a kid so she ran off and eloped in response. Geez, girlfriend. Man, Vienna seems way too young for Jake. I'm surprised he didn't cap the youth limit at 25 or 26 since he's 31.

Ashley interrupts Vienna cryfest with drinks and steals Jake away. It's a little callous. I don't like Vienna but I don't think I could have interrupted like that. Ashley gets a hug for her troubles -- haha, no kiss for you, weirdo.

At the end of the night, Jake hands out his rose to Elizabeth, interviewing that he wanted to show her that he respects her values. He then dismisses the rest of the girls and Ashley and Vienna both look like they swallowed a bug. Um, were Jessie and Kathryn even ON that date? Oh look, there they are. In the limo on the ride back to the Bunny Ranch.

Elizabeth now gets romantic alone time with Jake and totally teases him about kissing her. Oh, that's so mean! He kisses her forehead instead and then the fireworks start going off. Awww.

Cocktail Party

Ella's birthday was the day before so Jake brings her a little cupcake with a candle. Awww. Tenley is next for alone time. She chickens out on tellling him about having been married. Meanwhile, Michelle is getting her crazy all over the other bachelorettes. Jake asks her for alone time and she immediately starts in on how she's there for the right reasons and she was so upset when her name wasn't on a date card. When Kathryn interrupts, Michelle very passive-aggressively says it's okay if he leaves. If Michelle could light someone on fire using just the power of her stare, Kathryn would have to be identified with dental records.

Meanwhile, Chris Harrison has taken Rozlyn outside. He confronts her about an "inappropriate relationship" with one of the staffers. Chris Harrison is actually choked up, is that for real? He says the staffer has been fired and that Rozlyn cannot form a relationship with Jake now. She argues that other women came on the show with peopel they cared about but Chris says that a line was crossed with the staffer and that Rozlyn is being removed from the house.

Rozlyn goes back into the house and tells the girls that she's leaving. They are all surprised and shocked. Chris then has to break the news to Jake, who says he's also surprised and shocked. He doesn't seem nearly as distraught as Chris Harrison, though, which is interesting. A security guy is standing guard as Rozlyn packs her bags. Is she going to steal the towels or something?

There are two different versions of this "scandal," depending on what you read. Chris Harrison and Jake are acting like Rozlyn practically had sex with the producer. They don't come out and say it, but they're making it sound like a huge deal. Meanwhile, Rozlyn is maintaining she befriended a producer on the show. In the world of "reality TV," that's a big no-no. But I don't think it warrants painting Rozlyn as some kind of scarlet woman (and I don't even like her).

Chris and Jake tell the other women about Rozlyn's dismissal. The girls are pretty well gobsmacked. Jake says that he thought Rozlyn was here for him. Um, she could be there for you and still make a new friend, dude. I mean, he's acting like she was doing the producer on the kitchen counter.

When they leave, the women take turns giving talking-heads where they act like Rozlyn was messing around with the producer. See, they have no idea... they've just assuming based on her dismissal and the way Jake and Chris acted. These women didn't know anything about this but now are acting like Rozlyn was getting her freak on and was being so deceitful. Ugh. I have no doubt that their outrage is for real because if Rozlyn was doing it with a producer behind everybody's backs, then that's a big deal. But they don't know that! It was news to them and the way it was presented to them is what is making them assume she was having sex with the producer.

Rozlyn did not deserve to be painted as some kind of Hester Prynn on "The Bachelor." Gross, show.

Rose Ceremony
Now that Rozlyn is gone, there are only two women going home tonight. My money's on Drunken Christina and Crazy Michelle. Let's see how I do.

Jake gives roses to Ali, Elizabeth (they already had them), Vienna, Gia, Tenley, Ella, Valishia, Corrie, Jessie, Ashleigh, Michelle (drats, I was wrong. But more crazy makes for better recaps, so that's okay) and... Kathryn. Which means Christina and Ashley are going home. Yeah, that's not a huge shocker. On Ashley's way out, she calls Rozlyn deceitful and classless. Uh, maybe the SHOW is classless. Christina cries a little, you can tell she's disappointed. Awww. Work on those self-esteem issues and you'll do alright, girlfriend.

Next week: Vienna is grating on the girls' nerves. Take a number, girls.    

Thoughts & Tidbits
  • This whole Rozlyn thing seems really trumped up if you ask me
  • The scuttlebutt on Reality Steve is that Rozlyn wanted to leave the house because she was being denied phone access to her 7 year-old son and when she started making a fuss, the show wanted to get her out and exaggerated her friendship with a producer. I have no idea what truth there is to that, but you can read all about it at Reality Steve. The reason I didnt' link to that site is only because there are some MAJOR possible spoilers over there (including the alleged Final Four and alleged winner) and I don't want to inadvertently ruin it for someone. Proceed at your own risk.
  • I feel like Michelle, Jason Mesnick's Shannon and "More to Love's" Kristian should start a support group for unstable crazy girls.

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Photo credit: ABC 

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