'The Biggest Loser' recap: So Emotional

biggest-loser-sami-dolvett-bob.jpgPreviously: Daphne got REALLY mad about Adrian's elimination, and wound up going head to head against Conda in an at-home challenge where only their weights counted on the big scale. Sami asks, "Will Daphne's success on the scale put their rivalry to rest?" The fact that she even has to ask makes me think no. And the excuse that the show is tackling this week is, "I lack self-control." I'd say that's less an excuse than a state of being, especially in Girl Scout Cookie season. We enter with everyone sitting around the table and chatting, and then Sami comes in with a giant cake to celebrate Buddy's birthday. Is the cake made of Jennie-O turkey? The contestants are suspicious. Sami explains the excuse of the week, and Buddy asks if this means he isn't going to get his birthday cake. Emily, meanwhile, expounds upon her lack of self-control. That's an excuse! We know that now! But wait, there's more. Sami tells the contestants that you can control yourself, or control the entire game. Yes, it's a temptation challenge. They leave the cake behind and head into a room with a whole lot of tasty food. Jeremy is sick of vegetables and fish, so pizza and pasta and peanut butter cups are looking good to him. In fact, the circular table that they stand before contains everyone's favorite foods. Oooh! This temptation challenge is where I first learned about monkey bread, which I still have not tried. It's probably best not to open that carb- and sugar-filled Pandora's Box. Sami finds it curious that someone's favorite food is venison steak, but Kimmy explains that her family loves deer-everything. Mmm, Bambi kabobs. Sami asks if Kimmy hunts and kills the deer herself. It turns out that she's hit TWELVE DEER with her car. I'm sorry, but she's a serial killer. A deer-ial killer. In the forest she's simply known as "Dexter."

Anyway, the rules for the temptation challenge are simple. The person who eats the most can change the teams however they want. Eyes get big, mouths drop. Buddy remembers Michael winning this challenge a few seasons ago, and eventually winning the whole show. Yeah, but he also weighed like 600 pounds to start with, and still weighed 300 or something when he won. Sami adds a good twist for gluttons: no one will know who won the challenge, because the winner will remain anonymous. Jeremy points out to us that it's hard to keep a secret in such close quarters. Sami will announce the winner's decision after everyone has had a turn. Mark is first, and also being a hillbilly he goes for the venison. Coming from a family of hillbillies, I say that with love. Mark has eaten two plates of venison, for 312 calories. That's actually, like, a healthy snack. Chris is next, and goes right for the pepperoni pizza. She feels like she's constantly on the chopping block, so has a vested interest in taking some control in the game. She eats multiple snacks, totaling 1039 calories. Holy cripes.

Chism balks, because he doesn't really want the power. He eats nothing. Kimmy, Conda and Megan don't eat, while Kim has a peanut butter cup just because she wants one. Despite making a big deal out of her lack of self-control, Emily also eats nothing. Then there's Cassandra. She claims that she gets no pleasure out of heading straight for the pizza, but scarfs it down nonetheless. Then she starts freaking out and shaking at the taste of actual fatty foods. All right, everybody, calm down. It's pizza. Even though the trainers describe this as metaphorical poison, it is literally fine in a slice by slice context. Despite her physical distress, Cassandra manages to fit in two peanut butter cups as well, for a total of 619 calories. Then there's Jeremy. He has a little debate with himself, and predicts that Daphne will eat lots of peanut butter cups and get control of the game. He adds that if he were Daphne, he'd eat the **** out of this food. Indeed, Daphne does not waste any of her three minutes. She figures that if the Black Team gets a chance, they'll axe her just like the Red Team did Adrian. She eats so many peanut butter cups that at one point Sami can't even hide her disgust. You're the one who is encouraging them to do these things, Sami! I know it's your job, but still! Daphne eats nine plates of peanut butter cups, for 1890 calories. If her diabetes ever went away, she has it back now.

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