'The Biggest Loser' recap: The Unknown World

biggest-loser-jillian-bob-320.jpgLast week: new trainers in silhouette! As you may recall, five of eleven teams would be training with said new mystery trainers, and as a bonus would get immunity for four weeks. Six teams either decided to go with or by default got Bob and Jillian. Though they had the comfort of the familiar (the familiar being Jillian's screams) they got no immunity, and poor Ana got kicked off.

We catch up with Irene, who is super sad to be mom-less and partner-less. She says that she's going to have to work more than twice as hard to stay on campus. The other contestants who stuck with Bob and Jillian note how great it is to have a half-full house. They have so much room! And, you know, they kind of need it. Just as the contestants say that they have no clue what the heck is going to happen, Sami walks in. Olivia tells us that an appearance by Sami just makes you want to face plant into your egg whites, and not just because she never learned the lesson that you should not wear sequins with wool after Labor Day. Sami gathers everyone and tells them that the five teams who are training with The Unknowns -- seriously, she calls them The Unknowns, like protagonists from a Syfy movie with melted flesh and a hunger for brain soup -- lost more weight than the six teams training with Bob and Jillian, e.g. the group she has before her. And they didn't just beat the Bob and Jillian losers -- they crushed them. So this week, The Knowns get a challenge. If they lose a higher percentage of weight loss than The Unknowns, they'll all have immunity. Why yes, let's extend the season an extra week. Thanks, show, I was worried that I wouldn't have enough to do on Tuesday nights in May. The group that wins the weigh-in will also get $10,000. Split between eleven people, that's barely enough to buy a week's worth of Jennie-O turkey sausage. Nonetheless, The Knowns are thrilled. They are easily impressed.

Meanwhile, less than ten miles away, The Unknowns are located. The new trainers' identity, we are told, is also still unknown. This show, I can assure you, is still really f****** stupid. The Unknown Lady Trainer tells us that week two is starting off with a little present from the ranch. It's a DVD featuring Sami, telling The Unknowns about their crushing of The Knowns as well as this week's challenge and the $10,000 for the winning group. The Unknowns are pumped, and Unknown Dude Trainer yells, "Let's get to it!" I hate him already. Back at The Ranch of The Knowns, Sami shows The Knowns a DVD featuring the new trainers and footage of The Unknowns' training regimen. It involves a lot of boxing and running in the yard. There is some exhausted smack talk, and then The Knowns head to the gym..


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