'The Hills': Spencer is a cancer upon the world

Spencerpratt_hills_s4_240 Previously on The Hills, Audrina moved out to her own place and hoped Justin would play house with her, Heidi got drunk at a work event and got fired, and Whitney and Lauren jet-setted to NYC and Whitney shacked up with an Aussie named Jay.

People's Revolution. Whitney has been keeping in touch with Aussie Jay. Lauren also drops a bomb that Holly is crashing with her since her sister kicked her out. Whitney wonders if Heidi (and be extention, Spencer) knows that Holly is crashing there and Lauren doesn't know. I don't think they have much room to criticize since the Pratts are the ones who turned her out on the street. "Oh, you can't live here anymore... but DON'T live with Lauren." I don't think that flies.

Audrina and Justin walk along Venice Beach. Justin is dressed like an unwashed homeless man. Seriously, dude. It's called a SHOWER. He wants them to jaunt off to Mexico, saying he'll teach her how to surf. He says there is something "zenful" about the beach. Oh my god, he is such a stoner. They have a pointless conversation about how great they are when they're down in Venice instead of at her place. Moving on.

House of Drunkenness and Welfare. Heidi is organizing her closet and Spencer wants to go to the movies because he's bored. Heidi is your girlfriend, NOT your babysitter you freakin' jerk. She partially blames him for getting her fired, saying she wants to get her job back, and she also blames him for missing Holly. He sarcastically says he's sad she' snot around much anymore and Heidi totally misses the sarcasm. He bitches at her for complaining, saying he was going to "cheer her up" on her "day off" (that's one way of putting it) and then sulks out because he's going to go "enjoy life." I hate him SO much... it... it... flames... FLAMES... on the side of my face...

That night, Audrina and Lauren hit up a club named Winston's. They laugh about how they attract trouble when they go out together. LC then drops the Holly bomb on Audrina and Audrina says Justin wants her to go away with him. I don't know if that's EXACTLY how he put it, but I definitely believe that that's what Audrina heard him ask.

Audrina's house. The next day, Audrina and Casey have a drink and hang out. Casey asks after Justin and Audrina says she likes going back and forth from her place to his place in Venice. She also says his toothbrush is upstairs and that the're going to Mexico together. She is very defensive to her sister. Casey absolutely calls him on his disappearing-for-a-week-at-a-time crap and Audrina makes excuses. Casey nails it by saying that he's with Audrina when is convenient. More Casey! I like Casey! Audrina shrugs and says she loves him.

Bolthouse. Heidi sees Sam, the grand poohbah of the company. Sam cannot believe she would treat work events that way and that he "doesn't get" the Spencer thing. You and me both, Sam. Heidi backpedals and apologizes a lot, so Sam says he wants to put Heidi in a new hotel on a trial basis. He wants to get her out of the clubs. He says it's up to her to prove herself and to keep Spencer the hell away from work stuff. Yeah, no kidding.

Fashion Institute. Lauren is in some kind of computer lab/beach chair loung place and it's awesome. She's also wearing an awesome fedora. LOVE IT. Lauren and Stephanie talk about Holly moving in and Steph is incredulous. And end the pointless FDIM scene of the week!

Lauren and Lo's. LC, Lo and Holly have a Spencer-bashing session. Rock on, sisters! Sing it! Spencer is the devil! Holly says she's furious with Heidi for being so blinded and controlled by Spencer. Lauren hits it by saying that the decision wasn't Heidi's, it was Spencer's. She says, "He drives away everyone that cares about her." YES! THat is what I'm saying! He's a crazy, psycho abusive boyfriend. Ugh.

House of Crazy Psycho. Spencer thinks it's great Heidi got her job back... but not because she now have a job or because she's being given another chance. He's happy because she won't be "moping around" at home anymore. Because that's HIS job, you see. Stephanie pops over and Spencer says they lost one mooch sister but here comes another one. When does somebody punch his teeth down his throat? Seriously. When does that happen?

Stephanie spills the beans about Holly staying with Lauren. Spencer says her "stalker mom" probably orchestrated the whole thing and is a completely ass. Heidi is more mad at him than she is that Holly is living there. She finally says, "Maybe you're the problem!" Don't tease me like that, Heidi. You aren't going to dump him.

Medusa, a restaurant with Audrina and Justin. Justin has a hat on over a hoodie, like he's going to mug somebody after the dessert course. He gives Audrina a present and it's a t-shirt. He then kind of ruins the moment by saying, "No bras with that thing, thank you." I guess if I had Audrina's gravity-defying fake boobs, that'd be okay to say to me too.

And that's... the end scene. Hmm. I'm pretty much over Justin the bum and Spencer the asshat. It looks like next time Audrina thinks Lauren hooked up with Justin. Huh. Ew.

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