'The Hills': Spencer Pratt and his dark crystals

heidi-montag-spencer-pratt-the-hills-320.jpgPreviously: Audrina sidled up to GELly Roll Morton for a real-deal relationship, much to the chagrin of Brody. It did provide a bit of an upshot for Kristin, who seems content to gnaw on Audi 5000's leftovers for the moment. Spencer made out with a baby goat then went seriously crazy -- like, maniacal and sinister crazy -- much to the tearful chagrin of Holly. "But no one could have predicted what was about to happen next ..."

ShePratt and Mrs. Holly Roper meet up for a lunch to plot their search-and-destroy mission. Holly complains about Spencer's freaky threats and how much she misses and worries about Heidi. ShePratt agrees that she's never known someone to lose their mind like Spencer -- without the help of illicit substances, that is. Holly says she just wants to be happy. "Screw that," shoots back ShePratt, "I just want her to be normal again." Oh, ShePratt, did that ever really exist? And if we returned to those days, would you even be in the picture? No, no you would not. Credits.

Heidi lurches her ginormous breasts up for a lunch gab with Kristin. Kristin mentions that she's been hanging out with Brody, so Heidi says that Spencer is missing the calming influence of his "brah." To which Kristin's all, "Yeah, about that... What the ever-loving f*** is wrong with your husband?" Heidi tries to defend Spencer, saying he's always been crazy and that he's "fun crazy." Kristin thinks he's changed -- and not for the better. She says he's scary and that Heidi shouldn't stick around, and I quote, "if he's losing his mind." She assures Heidi that she and the others will be there for her, which is almost as laughable as the idea that Spencer's "fun crazy." Heidi counters that she wants to "focus on love" because she loves Spencer more than anything else. "Who am I without Spencer?" she asks. Well, for starters, not a codependent Wildenstein Lite carnie act-in-the-making.

Read the full recap at Television Without Pity
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Photo credit: MTV

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