'The Middleman': Worst honeymoon ever
The Middleman presents one of the strangest yet brilliant plots for world domination I've ever seen.
Something's turned a poor woman named Bonnie into a zombie during a Honeymoon camping trip. She bit her husband but he didn't turn. The Middleman and Wendy track her down and capture her and discover she's no typical zombie. Not only is her heart still beating, instead of craving brains she's craving trout. Yes. Trout.
Leaving Bonnie with Ida for examination, the Middleteam visit the campsite to investigate. Double M gets a call from Ida who's discovered the root of the problem: a Peruvian Flying Pike. It bites anything that moves and its venom instantly turns victims into trout craving quasi-zombies which is why Bonnie's bite didn't turn her poor monotoned husband. While on the phone, Wendy gets attacked by said fish and finally bests it, repeatedly bashing it with a rock to finish it off. Too bad they needed it alive to synthesize an antidote.
They track the Pike's origin to the Odyssey & Oracle Exotic Fish Hatchery. After fighting and capturing fours guard (in 47 seconds), they find out that a man named Mr. White has been ordering the fish for unknown purposes. Bringing a Pike back to HQ, the antidote is found and Bonnie is saved. Except another another zombie's turned up. After capturing and curing the pour ditsy girl, they discover she drank this new energy drink and it tasted like Pike...and trout.
Going to the warehouse where she got it, they find one of the fishery guards in a suit. He's the mysterious Mr. White (played by Todd Stashwick of The Riches among others). A former hunter/poacher, he was bitten in the jungle by a Pike and wandered for a month quasi-zombified until a local tribesman cured him. Strangely, he felt all kinds of jazzed afterward and decided to use his new found knowledge to create a trout-craving, yellow-eyed, gray-skinned army in addition to reaping the financial benefits. He escapes with his delivery truck and leaved the Middleteam to fight his zombiefied drink models. Dubs and MM catch up with him just in time to stop him thanks to the rocket-powered bonus feature on Dubby's Smartcar.
Assorted Bits & Pieces
- Dubby began her training with Sensei Ping, though unfortunately he doesn't make any onscreen appearances. Despite the horror stories relayed by Ida and Mid-man's apprehension (Sensei Ping made MM cry during their sessions and he was his fave student), it goes exceedingly well and, after only an hour, she knows all kinds of special moves that MM didn't learn until later. He gets a little jealous that they got on so well while Wendy gets a little too full of herself after it.
- The name of the energy drink is four exclamation points and "pronounced" by doing jazz hands with an exaggerated, open mouthed expression and a foot stomp. So very awesome.
- Does anyone else get the feeling they're airing these episodes slightly out of order?
- Lacey calls her mother "Dr. Barbara Thornfield MD, PhD" or "Dr. Thornfield" every time. Without fail. As does Dubby. I'm liking Lacey (mostly) better now than about two episodes ago.
- A smattering of times used today: Breakfast Time, Snack Time, Nap Time, Bullet Time, Quittin' Time, Past Your Bedtime, and Hammer Time.
- Middleman speaks 18 Earth languages fluently.
- Moves that Sensei Ping have taught them both include the "Arm of Oblivion," "Danger Toes," "The Three Terrors," and "Pain's River." I totally want to learn "Danger Toes" just because.
- The "secret identity" issue for today was Wendy not being able to participate in their Art Crawl, an annual event Wendy and Lacey throw with their artists friends. Lacey invited her mom, who ended up not canceling at the last minute, which set up some extra special disappointment when Dubs has to leave in the middle of her spoken word piece. Noser's contribution is "Stump The Band" in which people name songs but, instead of playing them, all he simply says that he knows it.
- When Double M's been tries talking out his potential feelings of jealousy, all Ida responds with is "I don't care." Forcefully and repeatedly.
- A book MM reads is called "Bitten By Zombies: A Coping Guide" by M. Dixon. He's a little paranoid about the whole situation as one of the former Middlemen was zombified and had to be shot by his assistant, something he's looking to avoid.
"I get it I get it. It's like Bruce Lee coming back from the dead."
"And beating you with his own coffin." - Wendy and Ida before the training session with Sensei Ping
"The badger shouldn't bear its teeth when sitting at the tea table." - One of Sensei Ping's proverbs
"If we don't, her heart's going to explode like a saugage casing full of weasels." - MM about the potential horrible fate of quasi-zombified Bonnie
"Put a sock in it Circuit City." - Wendy to Ida
Your thoughts on the episode? Did I leave out your favorite part or quote? Would you imbibe an energy drink that tased like fish?