'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' recap: F@#$ It

new-jersey-2011-.jpgPreviously: Danielle Staub prostitution whored her way back on the show via a meddlin' tweet, and put the final nail in the coffin of the Jacqueline/Teresa friendship! Also, don't ever get too secure with thinking that you're having a private conversation, because you never know when Caroline Manzo will pop out of the bushes.

We enter with Caroline cleaning her kitchen as her little whippersnapper of a dog (that's a breed, right?) named Austin looks on. Caroline explains that last night she jumped out of the bushes and into a pile of bull**** known as "everything that Teresa Giudice says, ever." Chris Manzo the elder heads to the backyard to discuss the great Jacqueline/Teresa rift with Albie, Christopher, Greg and Lauren. He explains to us that when men have problems, they just punch each other or homoerotically wrestle, and then they're over it. Women, on the other hand, are much more emotional. And, I mean, I love the entire Housewives franchise as much as anyone, but I certainly wouldn't generalize the behavior that you see here. If these shows were representative, no group of women would ever be able to have a civil dinner party or vacation. In any case, Chris tells us that Jacqueline will never be able to forget that Teresa wasn't a very good friend. And now he's wondering if he's going to have to uninvite the Giudices from the impending Napa trip. Christopher the younger, understanding that bitchery and copious wine is Andy Cohen's formula for success, says that they should keep it an open invite and the ladies will just have to work out their ****.

Meanwhile, Jacqueline is having a total breakdown, crying in her room and in her interview. She is sad about how things have turned out with Teresa, but knows that if neither party is getting what she needs out of the friendship, then it's over. At Casa de Giudice, Teresa is masking her pain with copious lip gloss. She tells us that after the blowup with Jacqueline, she went to Dina's house and broke down, and also probably talked a lot of **** about Caroline. Dina, in contrast to SOME people, just listened like a good friend. I imagine Grandma Wrinkles was on hand to offer support as well. Teresa is still pissed that Jacqueline had to ask her whether she was going to jail or not, and Joe is of the opinion that Jacqueline should shut up and worry about her own problems. He also says that Jacqueline is like a dodo bird, and then does an impression of a dodo bird that may or may not be frighteningly accurate. Joe Giudice advises Teresa to find a new friend. And then there's terrible news: Melissa is having a song release party. As you may imagine, Joe is not feeling it, even though he thinks that Teresa will work it out with her knucklehead brother. Teresa tries to talk about it some more, but Juicy has had enough. I am the last person to cut him a break, but you really can't blame him for wanting to get out of there. And plus he has an "appointment."

Elsewhere, Kathy is vibrating out of her shorts. It's not because Richie is slinking around the corner. Rather, Teresa has called and wants to go out for brunch. Kathy notes that this is a rarity, but enthusiastically agrees to meet her. She figures that there are probably some ulterior motives occurring, but is holding off judgment in that Kathy way of hers. In case you were wondering, Kathy looks fabulous in a wide-brimmed hat. When Kathy and Teresa meet, Teresa talks about how she's always loved Kathy like a sister. This is a preamble to her plea for sympathy at being "ambushed" by Jacqueline and Caroline. Kathy gets a little warning bell inside as she realizes that Teresa is looking for an ally after being dumped by her last remaining friend. But Kathy doesn't want to jeopardize her burgeoning relationship with Jacqueline and Caroline just yet, even though she's being supportive to Teresa and wants to repair their relationship. She busts out some old photos, which are always big-haired fan favorites, as well as some baby clothes that Teresa once bought Victoria like a million years ago. So, there is some tentative re-bonding that should last until the next commercial break at least.

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