'The Vampire Diaries': Jeremy loses his mind

"Vampire Diaries" (The CW)
" The Vampire Diaries" logs a solid yet unspectacular episode with one giant shocker of an ending. This show sure does know how to keep you coming back for more, no?

I'm pinch-hitting for Philiana tonight, so please be kind to me. I'm excited to be here because I love this show, so let's get it on!

The New (Old) Vamps
We open on Anna in some kind of halfway house for all of the recently revived tomb vamps, complete with a human headmistress/dinner. It's like Vamp " Sober House," but less vomiting and talk of childhood trauma! While some random vamps learn about remote controls, Harper and Pearl learn how to text. Quaint! Leaving her minions to acclimate to modern life, Pearl and Anna go visit Damon. Their goal? To rebuild their vamp society again in Mystic Falls. They need Damon to supply them with information on the council and who in town holds vervain so they can ensure their dominance. In return for his help, they promise to tell him Katherine's location. Damon declines the offer, but apparently Pearl's request isn't a request so much as an order because she pokes Damon's eyes out to let him know he's doing it no matter what. Ew ew ew!! And also: awesome!

The Double Date
Caroline proposes a double date with her, Matt, Stefan and Elena. They end up at the local bar, where Matt's mom Kelly, Jenna and Damon all just happen to be getting sloppy drunk together. Awkward! Although Stefan and Matt manage to bond, Caroline's insecurities cause tension between her and Elena. Even Matt picks up on what's going on and confronts Caroline about her feelings. She admits her jealousy and he assures her he is with her 100%, and they make up. Awww. So young, so beautiful, so boring. In a good way, though. They can't all be angsty, star-crossed lovers, you know? Unluckily for him, this happy ending is short-lived as he comes back to Stefan's house only to interrupt his mom getting busy with Damon. Ha! I bet Matt is the one wishing he had his eyes poked out right about now.

While they are at the bar Elena gets recognized as "Katherine" by rogue vamp-about-town Frederick ( Stephen Martines). He manages to escape Stefan's notice, but waits outside the bar until a very drunk Jenna comes out. He tries to work his vampire mojo on her, but luckily her vervain perfume saves her. She does inadvertently confirm Damon's identity, which causes Frederick and his cohort Bethanne to (literally) burst into the Salvatore mansion with the intent of taking out our fair brothers. They put up a worthy fight and Frederick survives, but Bethanne isn't so lucky. When Frederick gets back to the halfway house, Pearl lets him know her displeasure by stabbing him in the stomach with a dull wooden spoon. Ouch.

Crazy Jeremy
Jeremy is busy following his hunches about vampires in an online chat room. Anna shows up to tell him that she's staying in town and possibly going to his high school. He plays coy with her for a while and then drops a blood bombshell right in her lap, cutting himself on purpose and then taunting her with it until she reveals her vampire face. Sweet! He then allows her to drink his blood. Not so sweet! Oh, Jeremy. Whatcha doin'? Apparently what he's doing is turning into Bella Swan, because when Anna challenges him on why he outed her, his main stated reason is that he wants her to turn him. Jeremy. You dope. I can't wait to hear his reasoning. I'm sure it is stellar!

Next week: Your regular recapper returns. Also: rain! And ominous raincoat-clad rainy fights! And vampire-on-vampire death threats! Hooray!

Favorite quotes:
  • "About what? Isobel, my vampire birth mother, who's related to my vampire ancestor Katherine, who screwed over your vampire brother? No, I haven't thought about it at all." - Elena
  • "I feel like I've been here before. That's...weird." - Caroline, upon entering the Salvatore mansion
  • "Vervain: making it hard to find something to eat in this town." - Frederick

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Photo credit: The CW